Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Aco Strip Show!

Ya'll didn't expect for me to leave my deepest secrets out for all to see did you?You snooze you lose!
In the meanwhile enjoy this humor......

Call center calls

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
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Samsung Electronics

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
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RAC Motoring Services

Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?"
Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France )
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
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Directory Enquiries

Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing?"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not?"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Operator: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

44 comments:

Movie Buff said...

I am first and I have read the post.

DAMN! Im good!

kenyananalyst said...

I hear you on much that you have said. As for your supposed (and now stated liberal mould), I would be hisitant to endorse such till I see you share a platform with willy Bill :-) BTW, I feel you on that water thingy at campus...you know the stories...le'me not vibe much here. Thanks for making me laugh ever so much (on a day when am expecting my cousin Obama :-) ). Excellent post.

Movie Buff said...

Now that I have booked my space, let me react:

Aco, do you know why you are my hero????...... coz u would not give a rats ass what anyone thinks...... and sometimes I am jealous of that......

I like no.22 its my fav secret

I shall try and do my own post. No promises though. Im pretty lazy!!!

acolyte said...

@ movie buff
Congrats on your speed!I got tired of trying to please people so I say what I must.I'm a patient man.
@ Kenyananalyst
I guess Im a conservative liberal!Loooooooool!Good to know that I made you smile, do have a great time with Obama!

Msanii_XL said...

Frankly speaking..you are oh so real.

Go to class!!

The Devious One said...

How can U call out on me like that Aco ????

Some nice secrets U have I say !

Buff..after U...

udi said...

LMAO- Ati you still call her the derailer. LMAO. That still chekeshas me.

egm said...

That was a real strip show. I'm not sure I could do the full monty... So I'll wait on MB and D1 as I prep myself. Besides, I was listed third! :)

Movie Buff said...

Using Egm's logic....D1 goes first!

kelitu said...

Damn, you keeps it real!!

I have NEVER met a Kenyan man who liked West Africans. They hate them with a passion, esp when they date Kenyan Chics.

No. 23 I agree TOTALLY!!

As for No.33 Fhugettabouit!! Trying to connect with Kenyans here is a pain in a the behind. Just do what you came to do and keep it moving. If you meet some well and good, if not...oh well!

Rista said...

Aco, am LMAO @ 17 and 20... no you didn't go there :D

acolyte said...

@ msanii
Class was ho hum.I gotta keep it real!
@ devious one
I had to call you out you know!
@ udi
I guess the name just stuck!
@ egm
Ebu usianze fitina!Ya'll need to post!
@ kelitu
I try hakuna haja na fake blogger personality.
I also dont like West African women too much!:-)
Good to see that you agree there are some blogger who are overlooked.
Good to see I am not the only one having probos connecting with fellow countrymen.Oh well...

acolyte said...

@ Rista
We have to be honest here, I say what many peeps are thinking but not saying!

Joseph Walking said...

I am in a state of shock here

#2 self esteem issues

#8 must be kyuk women; I have heard you complain b4

#9 vasectomy lol Kids kijana are great how will your name live on.

#10 organized religion- maybe u should open yourself more to the message rather than get caught up in the man made -try.www.notreligion.com

#14 philander father- am sure you father was a great guy .embrace the past and heal your future

#17 totally inappropriate maybe its a blessing you hate kids otherwise you might have a downs kid.(you sound like Hitler) have you ever noticed that disabled kids are the happiest children they need our love and support not insults .(u need help yes on this issue) shame on you aco you need to delete that statement its stupid!egregious!flagrant!conspicuously malicious and larking in taste

#21 I think a liberal arts has nothing to do with the spectrum of being left or right(liberal or conservative)but rather liberal as opposed to science

Nakeel said...

Interesting stuff on you Aco.. I feel it on West African men ma bro has a triple hate to them..

The Devious One said...

Egm kumanyoko wewe...how can U apply a science into this scenario...my jina was first dont mena im the first one to start...Buff pia wewe ni tothi mangaa for embracing gms twisted logic !
mshindwe !

Acolyte said...

@ Joe
2.I dont have jungu style self esteem issues but I dont think of myself as being as good as I can be.
8.No comment!
9.I am not saying that I will have one but my name being passed on means jack to me!
10.Any religion that involves man getting together and following a procedure for hearing from God is religion.God cant be constrained to church on sunday morning...
14.I havent said anything else negative about my father and this is sharing secret time.I wouldnt run around saying that about my dad would I?But I do appreciate all the good stuff that he did.
17.If I had a Down's kid, I would put the bastard down asap!If all I did was drool, make weird sounds and crap my pants I would be happy too!But dont get upset feel free to make down syndrome babies, I wont stop you!Ga goo gooo gooo!!!!
21.Ok!
@ Nakeel
good to see that you were interested, I guess I am not alone in hating!
@ devious one
Basi play rock paper scissors!

Movie Buff said...

LOL

LMAO

Aco u have just killed me with the down syndrome's retort to Joe.

That should be framed somewhere.... LOL....

As for D1... vita ya nini leo???

Joseph Walking said...

17#
very funny acolyte am trying not to lol but on a serious note though your comments are in bad taste.lol ( i shouldnt be lol)

Msanii_XL said...

lol@Joe acting like all his secrets are pure...c'mon man it is the nature of man to have some DARK secrets/thoughts. I'm quite sure if you could you would banish all liberal thought and this is not in relation to science neither

Anyone who says otherwise is not human but some robot.

take it like this is POST SECRET only with "face" to it

Joseph Walking said...

Aco i am upset vibaya sana!You have no idea . you think its be choice people have disabled kids.or its by choice some people are born disabled. just keep in mind that being born normal doesnt mean you will remain normal.i hope you dont get a digenerative disease while you seat in contempt of disabled people.(wont say more on the issue)

Acolyte said...

@ Devious One
Roho safi, let's be honest who wants to have a down's syndrome kid?I just dont want them more than all of you here!
@ Joe
I didnt claim to be a nice person did I?People like me make comments that are in bad taste and dont regret it!
@ Msanii
Well said!I know most people here have dark secrets too and that is why I am not getting pilloried by most people.
@ joseph walking
Nowadays it is possible to know if you carry the genes for any congenital conditions before you have kids.So if you and your wife found out that you were both carriers for down's or Mutliple Sclerosis and decided to have kids anyway so you can have a bundle of loving and the kid turns out disabled are you going to tell me that wasn't deliberate?
Plus I said if anything happens and I become a shell of the man I once was I have given family permission to put me out of my misery.
Plus as I said in my post, I am not a nice person!

Movie Buff said...

U just referred to me as Devious!!!

Ala!

I agree with what Msanii says. I could have not put it better myself!

Acolyte said...

@ Movie Buff
Pole sana, that's what I get for letting comments pile up.Yes Msanii said it like it was meant to be said; who doesnt have deep dark secrets?

egm said...

Lady Godiva, fairest of them all
Comes a rampaging thru the woods
Her passion fueled by anger was a sight to behold
But the threat to the world as we know it
Prompted Dexter to quick action
"My sweet, succulent, well cut miwa
For your well prepared fermented uji?"
He humbly asked.
The frown on Lady Godiva's facade quickly melted.
In its place, a smile so radiant, the sun hid in shame
Peace had been restored! All was well in Acodom.
And giving acolades by the sidelines, was lovely MB.

Okay, no onto those siris...

Joseph Walking said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Acolyte said...

@ EGM
Seems we have a bard among us!
We are indeed blessed!
@ Joe
shame you killed that alter ego as you had quite a few fans!

The Devious One said...

@ Buff dont hate...devious on Acos mind ( insert harmonica and accordion tune ) Devious on Acos mind...( repeat till fade ) hahahahahha

As for you EGM...peace has been restored ...for now..I got my eye on you and oyur pristine labcoat !

And U know whats wierd is my buddy and I refer to each other and Godiva shokrates hhhahahaha funny u done termed me what I already have....kismet I say kismet !!

Rista said...

On 25... better change that situation before karma bites you in the behind.

Kagz said...

#17...i DONT CARE what you or anyone else says but hating mental retards is______

If that is acceptable then those white guys who beat Archer to pulp IS acceptable(i.e coz he was black)

And please dont give me that i-am-not-a-nice person crap!!!

Its because of attitudes like those that Racism, Tribalism, Wars, 9/11, The Bombings in Kenya etc occur.

Aco if you are to succeed in this life you MUST LEARN TOLERANCE!!!
How can you hate people for what they did NOT choose to be???

#24/25/26...I HOPE YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW. PERIOD!

#34...ati..."I welcome critical comments"
I HONESTLY don't think so.

PS: I didn't write this with any form of hatred (coz as i said on my blog...NO MORE BLOG WARS!)...its simply a comment from me who will NEVER be Anonymous!

acolyte said...

@ rista
The drama, the drama, the drama.
@ kagz
I was waiting for you to show up.
If that is acceptable then those white guys who beat Archer to pulp IS acceptable(i.e coz he was black)
My dear, what you are doing is blowing everything out of porpotion because race is just skin deep so it is wrong to discriminate against someone because you are just the same inside but on the other hand mental retards are different from us on the inside and the outside!
They are an aberration of the human race and the fact that we as humans keep them around and let them pollute our gene pool will prevent humans from ever evolving.Humans black/white/yellow/red are the same.Mental retards of any color are beneath them.
Plus the fact I haven't taken a sledgehammer to the nearest retard and your retard loving ass shows how tolerant I am.
24/25/26 - I already reaped the results a long time ago.This is this year's sowing.
34 - Look at all the fun I'm having with you and you say I dont welcome critical comments.Bring on your comments anon or not!
My dear lady, you don't know what a blog war is and if what you said is in love then I dont want to be around when you start hating!

Kagz said...

Once again, MAY YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW!

Based on your arguement,i must add that its people like you who give grad students a bad name.

(and YES, you dont want to be around me when i start hating)

What i meant by "If that is acceptable then those white guys who beat Archer to pulp IS acceptable(i.e coz he was black)" was....
Based on my interpretation of Archer's post, the mere reason he was beaten to pulp was coz he was in a "white-people-only" hang out.
This was not said but it was implied... coz why did the bouncers ask them to leave if they were minding their own business?

This means, the white dudes ignored all other facts but PRIMARILY concentrated on his color.

When you say "mental retards are different from us on the inside and the outside!".

The issue here is DIFFERENCE!!!!

Does everyone else have to BE LIKE YOU for you to accept them???

(once again DO NOT unleash all that i-am-not-a-nice-guy crap on me)

Those white dudes beat Archer coz he was DIFFERENT...in this case..COLOR DIFFERENCE.

You hate M.R coz they are DIFFERENT...in this case MENTAL DIFFERENCE.

Any bright kid (esp. one who is soon to graduate from grad.school)would know that THE DIFFERENCE in these 2 scenarios IS THE SAME. DAH!!!!!!!

PS: Because i DO NOT DO BLOG WARS, I don't plan to comment on this issue again. If you still don't get the message then i'm afraid you are too shallow for me!

Mimmz said...

Aco, I see you have stripped off your 40 secrets... See why I don't share ever? People are only happy when you can totally feel what they feel. Otherwise you're strange and that equals scary...

OK, the guy in the dark with a PC that suddenly went blank, and doesn't know what a monitor is... I just wonder who the F left him in an office building handling worthwhile company assets like those. A really good laugh!

bro said...

the jokes are hilarious, more so the one about a naive? ignorant?outright stupid? wordperfect customer. The guy who was fired deserves his job back, so long as he keeps his opinions of customers to himself for the sake of PR.

Your secrets or if i may call them revelations of character are utterly disturbing. FYI... every breathing human has every right to a place in this depressing world, irrespective of the quality of their lives. Some friendly advice, maintain the secrecy of your true character (well done for withdrawing them) and you won't look an iota of a moron.

Kagz said...

I'm a genius!

I was TOO SURE those 40 secrets would not last on this blog!

As for "I was waiting for you to show up."

I will show up AGAIN the next time you unleash your "low-self-esteem" OR your "second-personality" like you did on "The Aco Strip Show".

Adios!

Kenyanchick said...

Aco, how could you do this to me? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS, DAMMIT!!!

I get the gist of some of what you'd said (Downs Syndrome = retards? Tch!) But I've got to say this: it's Aco's blog, y'all. We are not the Censorship Board and frankly it's laughable that you can criticise Aco while using the word 'tolerance' as part of your argument. Go to Wikipedia and look up 'Sanctimony.' Then stop doing it.

Kagz said...

ATTN: KENYAN CHICK!!!!
(in as much as you did not mention names you were refering to me by using the word 'tolerance')

a. I DO NOT do blog wars & hence i've NO time to waste on Wikipedia for your sake.

b. Acolyte said loud & clear that "I welcome critical comments".
So please don't unleash that censorship-board crap on me!

Joseph Walking said...

mmmh Good for you. especially that downs crap up had written

Joseph Walking said...

Lol i cant believe the nerve of some bloggers !AcO I thought you hate brownnosers . all this sucking up to you makes me sick . real blogmates keep it real. i never trust people who always agreee with me.Getting the gist of acos downs comment my foot. brownnosing makes me sick. talk of butt kissing .if you speak the truth aco wont kick you out of his blog or change his attitude towards you have some spine

Anonymous said...

Well, being that 9 out of 10 times i am the derailer, i have something for aco.... kiss my ass!

Kagz said...

Joseph Walking
You said "Real blogmates keep it real".

I say...2 thumbs waaaaay up!

Actually, CONGRATS to you for speaking your mind UNANONYMOUSLY!

We keep it real coz we laugh when posts are laughable and shun when posts are crappy.This does not mean that we are enemies.

Just like you "i never trust people who always agreee with me".

Many people in blogland suck up to each other too much and that SUCKS big time!

They are lucky i DO NOT DO BLOG WARS coz i'd be unleashing terror!

EVERYONE is free to write ANYTHING on THEIR blog but I wrote what i did coz Aco said "I welcome critical comments".

egm said...

Wow. Plenty has gone on during my almost 20 hours away. I wanted to comment on the MR issue, but by the time I got back the secrets were gone.

In any case, my belief? It is not up to you or I to determine who lives or who dies, irregardless of their situation in life. And so MR's deserve as much to live as everyone else. The fact that their brains have not developed to the level that yours or mine has is no reason to treat them any less than other human beings.

What of those born without certain limbs? Or facial deformations? Or something else altogether?

Playing God is dangerous. It leads down a slippery slope, with the logical conclusion being a conscience deadened enough to come up with a Final Solution. It may not look like that now, but this mentality is a pre-cursor to that.

Acolyte said...

@ kagz
With your insufferable self here it seems I am reaping what I sowed.

I see you have made yourself the avatar of grad students.Grad school is different from undergrad because you have greater freedom of thought!And you know what I am not the only one who thinks this way.Why do you think parents do loads of tests to find out if they are carriers of different congenital disorders?They dont want to have retarded children!
Archer's situation has nothing to do with my opinion you have reached so widely that I am wondering if you are still standing.
And you know what you try to talk about difference like you yourself have not discriminated against people who are different from you.I am sure you miss holier than thou has looked down on so called sinners, I am sure you miss I know the right people and that is why I was working with 2 great Kenyan companies havent looked down on those who arent as classy as you or are part of the upper crust.
Plus whether you like it or not human beings world over like to be with people who are like them.That is why if you look at who you hang with, your family, your boyfriends you will notice that they are alot like you.
So please stop acting like your shit smells like roses because I have met your type before and you have no halo on your head.
And to correct your falacious reasoning there is a big difference between normal people regardless of skin color and mental retards.
Down syndrome is a chromosomal abnormality characterized by the presence of an extra copy of genetic material on the 21st chromosome.Meaning they are not like regular human beings, they are an abberation!
The fact is that those are my thoughts on the issue so please dont waste my time coming here!
I think Kenyanchick put it well, you are being a sanctimonious cretin!
@ mimmz
I so feel you, now I have The Spanish Inquisitors running after me with pitchforks and flaming torches!But I will survive!
@ bro
Why dont you show yourself and let us know where your blog is, I know there is something or some group out there you dont like, at least I have the strength of character to admit it!
@ anonymus
I used to be the nice guy who was left hanging so go lick my balls!
@ kagz
What's this crap you say about welcoming blog wars?Your posts are so weak and uncontentious that no-one can argue with them at all.You have that wonderful blogging by numbers thing going!Keep on doing what youre doing!

Acolyte said...

@ All sanctimonious cretins
You can flame my comments column as much as you want due to my comment about mental retards.The fact is that none of you are as perfect and pure of thought as you pretend to be in the blogosphere.I have my own thinking pattern and will not conform to your come what may so go crap on someone else's blog!