Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Muppet Queen has bug infestation and A Kenyan Horror Story

The muppet queen was on her usual late night radio show last week and said how she had to burn her mattress and sheets in addition to dealing with itching fits all over her body. According to her, she had a bed bug infestation but methinks the crabs, bed bugs and lice got tired of eating in the basement and decided to move around the rest of the house. Her co-host suggested that she sleep with her sisters but she said they refused.
This brings me to my question. You are a mama with a kid, making good money and are still living at home?That for me is a warning bell. Unles you are marrying a 21 year old girl, if someone has a paying job and are still living at home past the age of 25, think long and hard before going long term with them (same goes for men who can afford to live on their own but don't). I mean if someone has a well paying job and are still living with their parent's well into their mid- twenties without a plausible reason, I think they are ill equiped to handle the new responsibilities that running a home may entail. In fact living at home could be their way of escaping them.
I wanted to hear the rest of her story but I had to go disinfect my earphones before my ears got infected.


Anyway enough of that. Let me tell ya'll a story. 20 year John, his 19 year old sister and family moved into a new neighbourhood. The first few weeks were utter boredom for John as he knew no-one in the neighbourhood and was getting bored stiff. Things were a bit better for his sister as some of the boys in the estate went out of their way to try and hook up with her and so she knew some people here and there. But as time went buy John managed to make pals with the dudes who would chill out and crack jokes the whole day at jobless corner, which was where the recent high school graduates who had nothing to do and the matatu touts would hang out.
Since John was waiting to get his acceptance letter from one of the public universities he had alot of free time as he had just finished doing a certificate course at a commercial college. Other than playing PS2 and watching TV the only other thing he did was hang out with his new pals at jobless corner. When they felt comfortable around him they made him part of their gomba chewing and boza smoking crew. Every Saturday night they would go to the house of one the group whose parents had retired upcountry leaving him the house to take care while the looked for a long term tenant.
In addition to their usual activities they would also buy a few bottles of cheap cane liqour, invite one of the local girls, get her drunk and have their way with her as a group.
One weekend John had to go out of town to run an errand for his father. He found that the usual festivities had gone some way without him so he joined in grabbing a large glass of cane liqour and taking a puff of the blunt. As the high began to kick in one of the dudes came to him and told him that they had gotten another girl wasted and were having their way with her and that he should go take a shot.
He stumbled into the dark room and could vaguely make out a naked figure on the bed. He unzipped his trousers and approached the bed. He got on the girl and began having his way with her. As he was thrusting away enjoying himself, the girl drunkenly mumbled that it was about time she went home.
He thought that the voice sounded shockingly familiar but he ignored it and kept on with the task at hand. She repeated her request one more time and he thought to himself,
"It can't be!" but decided to put his addled mind at ease and reached over to the side table and turned on the light.
The face that met he saw was so familiar that he was jolted into becoming sober, it was his sister he had been shagging!Their screams reverberated all over the estate, making dogs howl, cats caterwaul, children cry, pregnant women go into labour and parent wake up wondering what horrors had visted their quiet neighbourhood..........

(Tale narrated as told to him in a dingy Nairobi West bar i.e. West End. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. All rights reserved Acolyte 2006)

23 comments:

Unyc said...

Lol......that was a remarkable story. ha ha....I cn imagine the looks on their faces!
Really sad..........acolyte nice piece.

as 4 the muppet queen, she keeps complainin about money yet she has it. Probably wastes it on her 'girlfriends' when takin them out.

mocha said...

i can see a new kid on the block...!

Off to read!

mocha said...

AKI YA NANI.....EEEEEWWWWWW!!!

Poor sister!!!

As for working and still living at home...why tangaza it and expect peeps to be considerate or be ok with it. I agree that if someone is working and hasn't moved out after a certain age, I wouldn't think twice about going out with them. This is one person that the word RESPONSIBILITY has no meaning.

God forbid...you live with your mom and then we live together you expect me to mother you....AAAWWW HELL NO!!!

ciiku said...

Good story. Who is Muppet Queen? Nini Wacera?

Acolyte said...

@ unyc
A nice to have a new visitor!
I think you are right about the muppet queen, she needs to prioritise.
@ Mocha
For me if you make good k and you are still in daddy's house, I am not taking you out' better you stay there!
@ ciiku
Yup!That's her!

Movie Buff said...

OMG
I so totally was not expecting that!

I dont even know how u listen to Nini... seriously.. her show comes on and its time to listen to XM.

mdkims said...

horrors of horrors! was he still in the pink lane when they began screaming? All in all, that is one family with the morals of an alley cat!

Half 'n' half said...

Ewwwww! Aco double ewwwww.(that is all I am saying about that sister act)

NO way ever am I going out with a guy who still lives with his mother.....

WHY do you listen to the Muppet Queen? (thats a good one!)

Aegeus said...

Gross!! Careful, the chick you are mistreating is someone's daughter, sister, mother, etc.

Now as for the Muppet queen, lost cause. The poor child!

That is true. Any person living at home post college and good job needs to be given a wide berth. Only one exception to this rule. Some parents want their girls at home till marriage?! Dont ask me!

Kenyanchick said...

The muppet queen doesn't live at home with her parents, siblings and daughter. She lives at home with her parents, siblings, child AND BED BUGS. We need to be clear.

Quintessence said...

ROFLMBAO...Muppet Queen...her voice totally irritates me and she takes the joy out of capital for me...
funny/interesting story man!

Princess said...

Most people develop a certain level of independence once they leave the nest and go away to University and so I find it hard to understand how once they get a job they can move back home or remain at home. I think that once you get to a certain age it is important to get your own place because it teaches you to manage your finances as well as the rest of the responsibilities that come with living alone.

That story is insane!!!

Acolyte said...

@ movie buff
It is fun to hear her put her foot in her mouth!
@ mdkims
Ewwwwwwwwww!You just painted a harsh pic in my head!
@ half n half
Like I told movie buff, she is always a source of fun!
Always date independant men!
@ Aegeus
Yes that is a good moral for a sick story.
How do you expect your daughter to run a marital home if you wont let her run her own?That is what I would like to ask those parents.
@ kenyanchick
Thank you for that clarification
@ quintessence
You are most welcome!
@ princess
I agree with your whole view on independance.
As for the story it tends to stick with you!

Girl next door said...

People who still live at home at a certain age despite having the means to be on their own have issues. It's all part of development for us young people to be away from our parents so we can estalish ourselves.
Now, the story about the dude shagging his sis is sick. That is a cause for lifelong trauma. I've heard about cousins but not siblings.

Archer said...

As usual I'm the last one to arrive after all that can be said has been said.
@mdkims: LOL at "was he still in the pink lane when they began screaming?"
I've heard a similar story before and it's a very disturbing thought. I guess I'm lucky I don't have sisters to worry about.

Prousette said...

that story of shagging your own sister eeeeeeeewwww!!! lakini the things some young people do for fun are not fun AT ALL!!

if you are working and staying at home yet you can afford to move out iko kitu!!

guess said...

Hi Aco how you been?
I know this awol status is not funny but hey, I had to come and add to the eeeewwwwwness displayed in your story there.

As for living at home - I dont understand how anyone can bear it. I know we are all different in the responsibility ladder but damn, how about space, how about freedom, how about being accountable to oneself.

ciiku said...

@ Aco - thanks! Yaani w/ all the shenanigans that chille pulls, she can still live in the same house w/ her folks? Actually now that I think about it, I think its just her Mum. I believe her Dad lives in the US. Some pple must have v. different parents from mine. I love 'em, but the thought of staying in their house for more than a couple of days makes me crazy.

Anonymous said...

unatishia kujamba wakati unaharisha?endeleea sasa kuchavua

Acolyte said...

@ anonymous
Nikuogope kama nani!Haunitishi!Tafadhali kuwa kama Bwaba Ndesanjo na usijifiche!Ukitaka kuonyeshwa heshima peana heshima.

Anonymous said...

Come on people, stop hating on Nini Wacera!! None of you know for sure if she has her own place and the sis is just chilling at her place. One thing I can say for sure is that the supuu works the show. That's the only show I'm eager to catch on CapitalFM.
Call a spade a spade, she has a very sexy voice. I just love the way she mourn on air. Hmmmm! Just love it!

Acolyte said...

@ Anon
You should know that my hate for her is just a tongue in cheek dislike, it is nothing serious.
So don't worry, I am not going to harm her or anything even if I had the chance!

Anonymous said...

It's clear - she is not your type.
I have never met Nini, lakini her storos and pics give me a vibe that she can be a freak. I read that she flies ngotha-less and has busu'd some of her chile buddies. I think she and I would get along great. I've been wondering where my fellow curious/bi/gay kenyan chiles have been hiding.