Monday Moanings Part VIII

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah nap time aka lunch time

It's been eons since I have been here but rest assured I have been catching up with most of your blogs whenever possible. As you all know, my job bores me to tears; so I have decided to meet the situation head on. I have started job hunting, in addition I am going to put in a request for vacation effective 2 weeks time so I can go for interviews and such. I decided instead of moaning about it, it was time to do something. When you proudly refer to yourself as a disgruntled employee and have nothing good to say about your employer it's time to get moving. I'm the kind of person you don't want to your new employees missing, I will douse their fervour with a quickness. There is this dude I was in uni with who was hired the other day, the dude had so much psyke for the job as I could tell from the first call. I gave him some summary bile free knowledge and thought that would be enough for him but no, he just kept on calling; leaving voice mails and such. So I called him back and answered his myriad questions, most of which he needn't have bothered asking because this company is so desperate for people that they would have taken him anyway even if he knew jack about the company. He kept on asking me about how fast it would take him to move up the ladder, and I didnt want to tell him that I have had people on my team who have been there for years without progress, so I told him that as long as he meets his goal he'll move up (and you all say I'm a bastard!). Last straw is when he told me that when he is on lunch during his training period we should be meeting for lunch, I didnt have the heart to tell him that is when I go to sleep on my desk. Aaaaaaaaaaah that felt so cathartic.

Moving on, I can see the Kenyan political circus is in full gear. I'm not one for politics but I have to say that I am not shocked at all that Moi gave Kibaki his endorsement, after all these dudes were as tight peeps waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back when before some of were born. Plus I wouldnt be shocked at all if they had shared business interests. All I can hope is that Kenyans can vote wisely, I will never forget one day when I was visiting my friend. He comes from a very saved family whom I always thought saw the bigger picture till sometime around last election when I was in their living room and the news was on tv, Raila was on the screen and his mum loudly proclaimed, "hatuwezi patia huyo mjaluo kura!"

Needless to say I lost alot of respect for her that day, I would have understood if it was his firebrand politics or party jumping that put her off, but no it was just his tribe. The fact that we vote for people who speak the same language we do and have kinship ties with as opposed to those who may be able to do the right thing for us as a community is one reason why Kenyans will remain in the thrall of greedy ineffectual politicians for a long long time to come.

Meanwhile, Archer?! Farmgal?! Mko wapi? It was a great day in the English Premier League, Chelsea were shown they are just like everybody else and can be beat! With the new improved Liverpool squad this is going to be a very interesting season to say the least.

Anyway it's about time for me to go back to waging war on the establishment. Look out for my sporadic comments. Nice week all!

Friday Fretting.......

The day I couldn't blog is when I knew my life had plunged into the depths of boredom. Nowadays all my life is work, home, occasional shopping and back again. The one light of my life is the fact that my new apt complex have their own cable provider and one of the free channels is FSN (Fox Soccer Channel) but the only problem with it, is the fact they are a small company so at times the service is trash. So last week on Saturday morning I got up primed to watch Liverpool beat Chelsea only to have a black screen staring back at me. I called them only to be told "we shall send someone over on Wednesday." I had to restrain myself from cussing, Wednesday?! I needed to watch the match now! But anyway I did miss Rob Styles robbing us and handing Chelsea a point, but at least it's back, and I'll be able to watch this weekend's matches.

Speaking of soccer, I found this classic quote about some older players who decided to joint some lower league teams.

Over at Cardiff, the new strikeforce of Robbie Fowler and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink (combined age 232) will surely be dubbed Darby and Joan. Neither will be playing at the weekend due to 'injury' and 'late registration'. Could the real reason be that the team coach has not yet been fitted with a wheelchair ramp?

I was reading this article and first thing I have to say, "no shit Sherlock!" When would white people ever be dissatisfied with their standard of living in America?! It's like doing a study to find out that the Sun rises in the East and sets in the West.

Talk about laying of hands! He must have really been in the Spirit! But for real, to move from sharing the gospel on TBN (The Blasphemy Network) to stomping your wife means that someone just isnt practicing what they preach? Anyway time to go back to my humdrum existance which is only brightened by the splendour that is the English Premier League. Nice weekend people!

Some People............

My life is boring as watching paint dry but at least there is some action coming from home..........

There is this chic pal of my small sis, I'll call her J. You see J is a chic who is kinda rough around the edges, you know the kind of chic who is loud, doesnt hesitate to get into a fight, loves to drink and such. Anyway J works with my sis but a month or so left to go to Kenya on hols, so we decided to send her with some stuff to give my mum. My mum knows J, they met when my mum last visited us here and when they met J was on her best behaviour so my mum pretty much didnt mind her. But during the visit to Kenya the worm turned......

Like I said earlier, we had sent J with some things to give my mum; so he went to visit her. When she went it seems that she had left her good behaviour script at home. This is because when she went there it seems that she had one or two for the road and was very loud at the time. Oh she had come with her brothers who were driving her around, so she was also talking to them telling them who my mum was and how she knew her. What got to me is the way she had the nerve to blab how I'm going to get a major job and ish, yes I told her that I was job hunting; but I didnt ask her to go around spraying my business all over the damn place. This is the same chic who when she was here was complaining about how Kenyans are always in other people's business and can't shut up. Anyway here comes the icing on the cake, the chic brings up some long story about how they have to go see their mum in shags and how the car they have is someone else's and beg my mum for her car.

So against her misgivings my mum hooks them up and tells them to bring it back by Sunday evening for servicing. No they didn't have an accident but she brought the car back one day late and it was smelling of cigarette smoke. Of course my mum really told her off, but for real; this was the chic who was always telling us about the ballers she knew in Kenya. Why couldn't she borrow one of their cars instead of borrowing my mum's car when she barely knows her and even worse bring it back late and smelling? The candles on the cake? After being told off and her "apologising", she has the bottle to tell my mum that they should get together and catch some pints. I was like wtf?! Even looking at my mum you would tell that she doesn't drink, my mum has no problem with other people drinking, she'll even buy you a beer but the only thing she ever drinks is the occasional Guinness ( she says it is good for iron) and those concoctions with brandy for your chest when you have a cold. Besides anyone who grew up in Kenya knew that older folk were the ones who would invite you to drink with them if they deemed you mature enough and not for you to take you ass there offering beers.

Needless to say after that turn of events my small sis was sent e-mails telling her to put that chic at arms' length and when my sis called home after the usual niceties, she was given a long lecture about that because irregardless of those actions my mum also told my sis she just has a bad feeling about her. And you know about womens' intuition, it only gets better when women get older. So I guess in my case that is one less person to call a friend, and I guess she embodies the saying, " You can fake style, but you can't fake class."

Moving onto more uplifting issues. For some reason my eyes were fixed on one section of this picture. I'm sure you don't have to guess.....



pic courtesy of C&D

Regular programming will resume as soon as regular life resumes

Behold, He Lives!

Do you remember the old time cartoons where Tom would lob a stick of dynamite over a fence to his nemesis Jerry, only for Jerry to take the stick of dynamite and via a hole in the fence put it under Tom. Tom would at this point in time be celebrating Jerry's demise only for the stick of dynamite to blow up under him. Well if you read this post, this is what happened to Kym. I for one am not supporting or condoning any of the ignorant, racist comments that were posted but I do think that the short sighted way the post was written baited the commentors. And to think the blogosphere had been stale for quite sometime?

Time for a TMI moment. As you all know, I have been on the B train (chaste by circumstance) for sometime now. It also doesn't work that there are quite a few hot women at work so for the last few weeks of last month this was the expression on my face.




But over the last week or so I have embraced my chastity and become more like this.



But one thing I have to confess that much like a man who hasn't eaten for a long time can usually tell appreciate the fine nature of food via just the smell alone, so I have now recognised the difference nuances of the female form just by sight alone. What some of my friends consider shocking is the fact that I dont subscribe to self service aka spanking the monkey aka polishing the rocket or whatever you may call it. I simply find it semi gross and un-productive, call me a prude but that's just me; add to the mix I dont watch porn too. I'm the kind of dude whose comp you could borrow and run through the history for months backwards and there would be nothing rated Mature on it at all. But I know there are pleny of peeps out there who dont subscribe to my way of thinking so just make sure you have a shield for your monitor and keyboard, we don't want any goo on them do we?

Otherwise for all my blog pals, I am not ignoring you; it's just that we have been moving and also at work we are watched like hens by chicken hawks. I swear it is like I am working for Kumar and company, you have to account for every frigging minute of your time! The worst thing about me is that the more restraints you put me under, the more restless I get. It's good that I have an escape that is coming inevitably, I feel sorry for the folk who are stuck here.

Have a productive and restraint free day!

Monday Moanings Part VII

Why does this story sound soooooo Kenyan? I am sure this has happened to some of you out there before? You go for a wedding only to be ambushed with prospective husbands and wives without nary a thought for your feelings about the whole issue?



Sadly due to some management shake up at work, the team I was in has been dissolved and we have been sent out to new teams and given new schedule. I hate my job but one thing that made it bearable was my manager, she was a hoot and she cut us alot of slack. When the new schedules were being announced one of my team members said that she wants to be on our manager's team, the only thing is that she hadn't been given a schedule yet maybe to prevent all of us from trooping to her new team. I will miss all the slack that I was being given at work, now I will actually have to follow the rules to a T. Just another reason to get out of this hell hole as fast as possible. I went to check on where my new team sits and there's a Kenyan chic on it. After the exchange of names of course came the usual question, "Oh so your last name is XXXX?, you must be from tribe XYZ; as you can see I'm a ABC."

Several thousand miles from home and some of us still see ourselves as our tribe first then Kenyans second. Anyway I'm not going to waste my energy moaning about that.


There are some things we like to deny about ourselves but we have to admit are true when we hear them from 2 separate reliable sources. My sister once told me that I have a dark sense of humour that would offend some people unless they new me, I shrugged off that comment until my small brother made the same observation the other day.
You see we were watching this show where Mo'nique was interviewing some women who were in prison and finding out what got them there and the reason why the prison population of women in America is sky rocketing. So there was this prisoner who came on and they usually spoke for a second or two before their crimes were plastered on the screen, so this woman came on and I turned to my brother and said, " I bet she's in for violent crime, most probably robbery with violence"
Sure enought that turned out to be the case, so my brother asked what made me say that. I turned to him and said;
" It's always the ones with the beady eyes and the small sharp teeth; just take a close look at her teeth."
And at that point he lauded my nack for innapropriate comments. On a side note, we had a meeting at work where some people were being recognised and some of the best performers went for a conference at the companies hq and came to share with us. So this one dude came to the stage to talk about his experiences at the conference and before he started talking, I turned to one of my team-mates and said, "He was taken to the mother ship!"
That had her and the two people seated in front of us laughing most of the afternoon.
I guess that is why I take my time before cracking a joke becauseI have to make sure I don't step on any toes. I think I shall post some of my best inappropriate comments once a week. What say you?
PS: Lest you all accuse me of ignorance we all know that physical features are no indication of ones prediliction to crime, that was a theory once sean as valid in the early 20th century but was disproved later on by modern science (I'll post the dates and full theory for anyone interested). So not everyone with beady little eyes is a criminal, just everyone with eyes.........



Speaking of eyes, this picture says it all but captions are welcome............