Monday Moanings Part XIV

I know people in America love their pets but I was reading this story and I was like enough is enough! How does someone who lives half way across the country invite you over and you decide to bring your dog without their permission and expect the dog to get 5 star treatment? If you told them or they asked you to bring your pet, all well and good but in any other situation that is sheer stupidity to say the least. Anyway people here love their pets to a fault, I think we all read about how Leona Helmsley left her dog millions and left her remaining family members next to nothing. Anyway the dog now has bodyguards due to death threats, were in that fam I too would plan a hit on it. Love for your pets is great, but the overt devotion people out here have is too much!

Talk about being left without a leg to stand on! I think it takes a special kind of brute to decide to chop off someone's leg. What happens if they find out the leg doesn't do what they thought it would do? Will they go back for his other leg?

Last week I learned the importance of listening via hearing. You see I sent an acquaintance a happy Jamuhuri day text and he texted me back asking me if I wanted to go to Opera. I pondered the question for a few moments and I was like, "Yeah, why not? Tell me the time and the venue."
I never thought there was an opera in Atlanta, so if there was this was going to be something interesting for me to do. It is when he called me later on and told me about the time, place, dress codes and all the rest of the information is when it hit me that he was talking about a new nightclub called Opera that is in midtown ATL and is barely a year old.

Since I had already agreed to go with such fervour earlier, I masked my reluctance and decided to get ready for my FIFO. What does FIFO mean, well it means; Fast In Fast Out. I dislike clubs so I usually set things up very well so that I can make my time there as useful as possible and make it pass as fast as possible. My maximum time in most clubs here in the States is 2 hours, in the pre-driving license days it would be much longer because of course I was at the mercy of whoever was driving and I could also drink the boredom away. But as a driver, I dont take risks; two drinks max. So I met my pal at 11 pm and I was in my car at 12.45 am revving it for the drive home. Clubs here just don't do anything for me, I don't begrudge anyone who goes but for me I think I'll pass. Give me my bars, bashes and BBQs anyday!

I don't know if I have ever blogged about this, but I detest Christmas with a passion. I am happy that the enthusiasm here has also been dying down with the recession and all. It is with that in mind that I am happy to have come across the perfect gift for the occasion. I know it won't get to me in time for the big day, so I will get some for next year. Screw Christmas!

Anyway Monday is here, back to the grind...........

Monday Moanings Part XIV

From my daily tuning in to Capital FM I learned that 112 were in Kenya sometime last week. I remember when they were tha shiznit! Now, not so much. I was quite amused to read how they went to party at Pavement and till it was announced the crowd didn't even know they were there. Did any blogger go for the performance? I would really like to know how it was. I'm not hating on 112 and Tevin Campbell but I don't like it when musicians choose to go to African countries when their fame has waned, that is why I have love for people like Shaggy and Sean Paul who chose to perform in Kenya when they could have gone to more profitable countries.

Blind Item

The Acolyte used to live in the same 'hood as this now well known kapuka artiste as he was slowly making his way to fame. At this point in time the artiste used to live with his brother and cousin in one house. Due to carelessness the group only had one house key having lost all the other copies, so they resorted to leaving the front door open whenever they went out at night.
The Acolyte found this out when dropping them home from the club one night and advised them to stop doing so and get a key cut. The artiste laughed it off, saying they were too lazy to do so and they had fared well so far.

It was with a great bemusement therefore one day when The Acolyte a few weeks later encountered the artiste, his brother and cousin beating the crap out of 2 of the estate watchmen. On further inquiry it seems that after going off to the club after leaving the door open as usual they came back in the morning to find their TV and video missing.

The artiste in question did climb up the ladder or is still climbing and as I was leaving Kenya had moved out of the house into his own apartment with his brother and they were having a ball. Guesses anyone? I'm not naming the 'hood because that would be a dead giveaway.

This Judge sounds very Kenyan to me, don't you think? I can so picture a Kenyan judge doing this!

In other sad news, someone told me that Carnivore doesn't have Soul anymore. By the time I was leaving Kenya, Soul at Carni had been overtaken by Rock at Ka-choi and Soul at K-2 but I remember when it used to be the place to be. Who can forget buzzer beating? You see entrance was free before 9pm or was it 11pm? Anyway what people would do was go have one cheap pint at the local and then zoom off to Carni just a few minutes before the deadline. Of course there were always obstacles like the "powerful" Kenyan watchmen who would want you to park your car 10 inches close to the white line instead of the 15 inches you had parked, to which my regular answer would be, "hakuna shida, hatukai!"
Which would of course mean that the next time I would be seen at 1.30 am when Soul was over with the next stop being Jean's pub for food that was only edible when you were under the influence.

I had this link months ago and I don't know if I shared it but I ran across it today and it still put a smile on my face. Anyway this is what happens when you try to take a picture with 2 animals that don't get along.

Some people have no shame I tell you. There is this chic from I used to know when I was in Uni via the International Club, we had somethings in common but were more of acquaintances. So once I was done with uni our keeping in touch ended there other than the sporadic message on one of the social networking sites I'm on.

So on Saturday morning at 3 am my phone rings and I don't recognize the number but since it was in the same area code I answered it. I didn't recognize the voice until my old pal identified herself, it seems she was in Atl with her girlfriend (not friend but lover who she turned lesbian but that is a story for another day) and the person who was supposed to put them up hadn't shown up at the club and the whole night wasn't answering their phone. So she asked if they could come over and sleep at my place.

No, at this point in time Acolyte was not entertaining fantasies of converting 2 lesbians with his magic pole of love in his room which would be light by a pink light bulb as cheesy music played in the background that would climax in an earth shattering guitar solo at the same time as the Acolyte (as you can tell I am practicing writing a bad love scene for The Drama Post series - yes Eclipse I am working on the next episodes). This was because first of all the above scenario only happens in the movies, second this mama is very butch and her and her girlfriend (who is a nice chic) do nothing for me, thirdly I have no couch or a spare bed and last but not least; how the hell do we not talk for 11 months and then you come out of the blue expecting to sleep at my place?!

Oh here is the other funny thing, it isn't like she even had my number, her girlfriend used to be good pals with my room mate so whenever she wanted to get in touch with him she would call me. So she told me as they were scrolling through her phone for numbers they came across mine and decided I would be a willing host. Anyway this chic is a user, I was told how she borrowed some money from a Kenyan mama saying it was an emergency and was lent the money, the Kenyan chic a few months later needed that money to pay her fees and was taken round in circles despite being told how urgent it was.

All those thoughts ran in the mind of The Acolyte as she told him her predicament. The Acolyte said that was very sad and said he wished he could help but at the moment he was out of town and proceeded to suggest some other ex international students she could call who coincidentally were not picking their phones when she had called them (I guess they got the memo). Anyway I'm sure she made out just fine.

Damn, it seems I've over blogged for today. Time to scatter and yes, Drama post in progress!
Happy Monday all!

Monday Moanings Part XIII

Yeah yeah I know I have been MIA for a minute now. No excuses other than my life has gotten into a very predictable routine. Thanksgiving has come and gone, I have been off work since Wed afternoon so getting back into the grind is going to be difficult to say the least!

There were loads and loads of bashes that went on this Thanksgiving. I don't know how many of you came down to ATL for the bashes. I would like to get an honest opinion, which bashes were better? The Takeover DJs or 2kat? As regards this issue I am split, I vote for Takeover DJs in terms of music but when it comes to venues 2kat comes out on top. When it comes to crowds, 2kat has a more mature but yet "snobbish"; what do I mean? Well with a 2kat bash when you walk in, it's like you've checked into the local; everyone seems to know each other and you feel like a visitor. Takeover DJs on the other hand seems to have a more diverse crowd, so it's a bit easier to mingle with the crowd. I got to watch Hardstone do a surprise performance during one of the Takeover DJ bashes and that was a nice blast from the past, the only beef that I had is that on Friday night I think that the Bamboo or whoever it was who was to perform must have done their thing after 4 am because I left at 4 am and he hadn't performed. But at least on Saturday they planned well because Jua Cali performed by 2 am, I have to give him marks for the energy he has and his ability to work the crowd but I wasn't too thrilled with the use of playback tracks and such but I do know it would have been a stretch for him to get a live band and practice with them so that's cool. I did get some video via my cell phone, nothing to write home about though so I think I need to invest in a camcorder pretty soon. The next big thing is Miami for the New Year but I think I'll give that a pass, I'll do L.A Sevens instead. Back to real life now I guess.

I was reading this article in the Herald Tribune about the roots of the 35 hour work week in France and how it's proposed abolishment is causing a lot of drama in France. I now work a 35 hour work week and I must say it is heavenly. It is amazing how much more relaxed you are when you have 5 extra hours to yourself every week. I do know the French issue extends far past 5 hours a week but I do think that America needs to consider experimenting with a 35 hour work week, here most people are over worked, under paid and stressed to the core!

In other news I need some advice. Currently I'm living with my immediate fam (it always makes for fun and games) but our lease is expiring next year and it highly looks likely that everyone is going their own way. Which is good for me because I have been yearning to get a place I can call my own. But now here is the clincher, to get a room mate or not to get a room mate? Both come with their own pros and cons, you see if you have a room mate the costs go down considerably esp rent because here they rob you blind when you get a one room apartment but on the other hand getting someone you can live with is a headache and it is hard for me because I've been in the ATL area for less than a year so I'm not in the mix with people as such, you see I'd rather move in with someone I know than a complete total stranger. What also makes it more interesting is choosing an Apartment complex isn't easy because some places here are either in bad areas, have horrible residents, too ghetto, too expensive and have pathetic service or a combination of any of those; if you don't believe me go visit Apartment ratings. Anyway let me know what you think, I still have time to plan.

Now back to the grind..........

Another Acolyte Tale

I came to the sad realization that it has been a minute since I told an Acolyte tale. After reading some cracking tales online I decided I have to share before the tale gets covered by the sands of time.

Long long ago, in a land far away. The Acolyte and his college cronies (or should I say henchmen?) used to enjoy this "wonderful" drink.



This firewater was a blessing in many ways to broke college students such as ourselves. Where as a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka the same size would only be good for 3 people like Jesus bread this bottle would cater to twice that number and cost 3 times less! Add to the fact that on a cold night it would slide down your throat like lava down a South American hill, live a virgin's leg your throat would at first be tight and want to close but on realizing the impending pleasure it would open gradually but surely.

Now to the disadvantages of this tempestuous love affair we had, you see first of all with the cane products the high was unpredictable. I once recall a friend of mine moving from discussing current affairs while enjoying a buzz to changing into a gibbering mess rambling about devil worshippers and the 20 shilling note. I am sure that many seasoned drinkers are also aware that cheap liqour more often than note reverses the laws of gravity, in that what goes down must go up! So what would happen is that after drinking 1/4 or more of a 750 ml it was inevitable that once in a while the cane would clash with whatever was in your stomach and proceed to empty the premises, so there would be only one exit; the mouth (at least in most cases). But there would be one problem, as the contents of the stomach would move up they would reach somewhere around the solar plexus area and decide, "No! We are not leaving!"
and turn back. As a result I once recall being held up as we waited for almost 10 minutes as a pal heaved noxious cane fumes, when he finally managed to regurgitate a baby's hand worth of puke; he was hoisted on the mob's shoulders as if he had won the Nairobi Marathon.
There were also the hangovers that made you feel like a truck had ran over and in your head, your tongue was made of sand paper and every noise felt like nails on a chalk board but there was one thing that made me divorce the drink once and for all.........

The memory loss!!!!!! Yes that was the worst part, Safari Cane taught me how to empathize with people who were kidnapped by UFOs. I too now know how it feels to wake up in your bed, aching and bruising with no idea how you got there in addition to having lost a chunk of time. The incident that made me go cold turkey was an interesting one.

You see one weekend my Uncle was home for Summer (yes the infamous Summer Bunnies of way back when) so we were with some pals and he decided to treat us, and the idiots that we were with my pals instead of asking for the expensive good stuff we decided to opt for our usual poison. So we drank a total of two bottles in between 6 people and off to Electric Avenue aka Westlands. I recall functioning perfectly for the first half of the night and I even recall at one point in the night a pal came and told me how a pal of his had thrown up on his shirt so in my Safari influenced stupor I literally gave him the shirt off my back, so the Acolyte was left wearing a Chicago White Sox jacket with nothing on the inside but when you have Safari in you, you don't feel the cold.
My last memory was later leaving the bar and finding two dudes I knew squaring off to fight, I recall walking in between both parties and beseeching them not to fight. My next memory was getting up in bed just fine with no bruises whatsoever but with the usual killer hangover.

I knew something was amiss when I was talking to my Uncle the next day and he was like, " I see someone has been playing Streetfighter," and walked away laughing. I didn't even know what he was talking about and dismissed him. Later on in the day I was walking in the neighbourhood and this dude whom I didn't talk to much comes up to me and says, " Jamaa you are harsh, I saw how you wekad those 2 dudes!" I was still in denial and shrugged off his misplaced admiration, but like the Biblical Peter the cock crowed when my small sis came home and told me, " I met a pal of mine who said you know how to kick ass!"

After that day as my pal's happily destroyed their livers and their brains, I opted for Beer or soda.
Lesson of The Day? - Cheap liquor destroys short term memory and.....damn I forgot!

Monday Moanings Part XII

Yesterday I was in what I like to call ICU, no there is nothing wrong with me nor have I been in an accident. But I was in one of those conditions where the only thing I'm good for is laying in my bed like an ICU patient. You see I decided to go shopping for gyms last week, so in American fashion before telling you how much they are going to ass rape you for 24-36 months they ask you to come in for a free session. With the first gym I went to on Friday evening, just after I get changed I was told that I would be charged a $20 equipment fee for that class but if I decided to enrol that would go to my enrollment fee. Needless to say I wasn't pleased, plus even though they had nice stuff the gym itself wasnt much to write home about. So after the 2 hour session ( during which I found out how unfit I was ) the dude breaks out the cost for me and needless to say I smiled told him I would think about it and didn't look back, because this place isn't like Kenya; everyone wants to lock you down for 2 years at least.
So the next day I had signed up for a session at another gym (one that I had postponed twice in a row), this place is one of those franchises so their facilities were top notch. I did my free session (which rocked) and when it came to the costs, you know how people are here. They don't tell you up front, they try and butter you up by telling all the wonderful things their gym has and all that kinda ish. So I ask the dude to hit me with it, and he has two plans, one for 24 months and the other for 36 months. So as it goes with the 36 month plan is like $10 per month cheaper but I wasn't having none of that. You see other than my cell phone contract, I only sign up for one year contracts; nutting else! So I ask him if there is a one year contract available which is also cheaper per month, he tells me yes but only for students. Well guess what? Since the Acolyte always walks around with his student I.D, he's a student! So I signed up my soul for one year and one year only.
Anyway back to ICU by Saturday afternoon my legs were feeling like they were made of rubber and the rest of me was really run down but guess what, the rest of the fam wanted to hang out so they decided we go for an Ice Hockey game. Yes an Ice Hockey game, I think it was the curiosity and the cheap tickets that motivated them. Ice Hockey games aren't all that interesting, yes there is the fast pace of the game and the slamming of players into the walls but other than that I dont see much else to go back to see a game for. Oh and I did learn that all the Georgia teams suck because the ice hockey team lost the game.
Anyway word of the day is that if you haven't been to the gym for sometime, please don't go 2 days in a row!

Wahu decided to release the third (maybe 4th) track from her constantly upcoming album (okay for real I dont even think she has an album coming despite what she says). I know this is going to make some of you mad but after listening to her new track, I felt like someone had taken a large dump in my ears. The song was rubbish, no progress at all from her last track and instantly forgettable. Why some people bother going to the studio I don't even know.

I have also realized that some local Kenyan personalities have their stans. Do you know I still get comments on this post, many of them telling me to leave Lillian Muli alone same case with the latest post about Kaz and her pics. Damn ya'll are cracking me up, do you all have posters and newspaper cut outs of her plastered all over your walls?

Stans aside, this comment below from one of my favorite Liverpool FC fan sites made my day. It's amazing how the dude wove a life event round a game......

"Rotation Rotation Rotation. Rafa cant win. some people are still bitching and whinging that the same team that beat besiktas shouldnt have started against fulham. “why didnt kewell start” “why wasnt riise benched”, blah blah blah! I think some people just like to argue no matter what happens.

i really dont see a massive problem with rotation. Bringing players on as subsititutes is a form of rotation. the same 11 players dont finish the games that started the game when a sub is bought on. the same 3 substitutes are rarely bought on every game, so why isnt that considered rotation???

i thought game was descent. one word descibes it for me, Clinical. we never really got out of second gear and we never really needed too. i think the game plan was the same as the blackburn match, but this time we had abit of luck on our side and didnt have freidel pulling saving out of his arse..although having said that, niemi came up with a good few saves.

ive been thinking for a while and decided on saturday that i was going to break up with my girlfriend on sunday or monday, but as we got into bed last night at about 4am (saturday night/sunday morning)after a boozy night, she asked me “do you still want to be with me”…i suddenly thought that the liverpool game was about to kick off and seeming as i was gonna do it anyway, i might as well do it now and then catch the game. so i told her i didnt think things between us were working anymore, and off i staggered home to watch my one true love, Liverpool FC. I feel like a right prick for doing that, but as i say, at least i got to catch the game. this is the 2nd LFC related breakup ive had over the years.

anyways, im off for a kip. been a long night."

Otherwise I think I have said more than enough today. Happy Monday people!