Separating the Men from the boys!

Before starting this post I would like to that all of you that voted for me to be one of the kaybee nominees!Your one and only Acolyte has been nominated in 2 categories; The Best Entertainment Blog and Most Interactive Blogger category ( most likely to leave a comment/email/participate).
As some stars out there said during election time.It's time to rock the vote!If I win any categories I will refund voting expenses (flights abroad do not count!) and prepare a suprise for my readers!Anyway back to business!The vote closes on the 19th of April so get voting people!
I go to the gym around 3-4 times a week (and no I am not a meathead nor do I do steroids - it is just part of the chastity program!)I enjoy working out on most of the machines but there is one piece of equipment I have alot of respect mixed with trepidation towards.The one and only......


Bench Press!

Now why would The Acolyte feel like this towards a Bench Press.Did he have a milo like incident where he crapped on the bench?No!But this is what happened!I am sure all you KBW men passed through the body building stage in High School.This is where you would all look at copies of Flex and Muscle and Fitness for motivation after noticing the Rugby players got all the girls while cowing you into submission with their sheer bulk at the same time.So the plan would be to read all the mags,psyke up,steal your small brother's cerelac(for some reason this stuff was supposed to help you bulk up!) and get hold of a vest from your local open air market (we were to broke to afford a new one from Nairobi Sports house).
So me and my pal strolled our 100 pound frames into the school gym ready to turn ourselves into the next Shawn Rays and Ronnie Colemans.But it wasn't that easy because guess who used to use the gym?
Yes the Rugby players!But they weren't against us using the equipment as long as we went through the initiation exercise!
The initiation was, wait for it........The Bench Press!What the big boys did was to invite me to lie down and put 100 pounds on the bar.As long as I could lift the bar I was good to go.So the ring leader lifted the bar and dropped it gently on my chest.I pushed and pushed but the bar moved only once inch.While at that point in time I was straining with every cell in my body to move it!Nothing!At that point in time the rest of the guys were laughing.They then lifted the bar and told me that I was at least better then some other people who had tried.I thought that no-one could be any worse until my pal got on the bench.
The bar was lowered and he pushed.You see my pal was what you could call a one-upper.So if Aco could move the bar one inch he was aiming for two inches.The boy pushed, beads of sweat began to form on his face and rolled down to the bench, he ground his teeth together like he was one of those who are gnashing their teeth in hell, he then developed vein number 2 (that is the one on the side of the head), then came vein number one( the one in the middle of the forehead that makes you look like an irate psycho), then all the veins in his body began to show till his fingers and toes, his back arched like he was doing the fish yoga posture,he then let out a primal grunt that sounded like a pig being violated by Bubba in a barn in rural Georgia.All that this suceeded in doing was to channel more strength to his right hand so he moved the right part of the bar 2 inches up but on the other side it seemed that his right hand sapped the strength of his left hand so the bar went 4 inches down.Since the bars were jua kali and had no stoppers the plates on the left side hit the ground with a metallic ding leaving 50 pounds on the other side choking him.The ring leader happened to be on hand to lift the bar off his chest but the gym was silent.I turned around; everyone else was had laughed to the point where their lungs had no air so they were lying on the ground with their chests heaving,tears rolling down their eyes, struggling to get the breath back.
Needless to say my pal never went back to the gym and instead discovered another inalienable truth when it comes to women; there is nothing like an ugly man with a big wallet.So he chose that route instead.As for me I did work out for sometime till I found somthing else that peaked my interest.In my return trips to the gym I always know that I am approaching optimum fitness when I am benching.......100 pounds plus (Man law 253 - A man should be able to bench his own body weight - 2004 Man-you-all).I'm just from the gym and I did a set with 100 pounds and guess what?No support needed,no screams,tears,sweat or weights hitting the ground!But I had a flashback the other day, some enterprising lad decided to lift far more then he could, there was a similar scenario sans the screams but since this dude didnt have mono-colored skin like us he turned beet red.I helped him out and gave him that nod that guys give each other that say, "I have been there too and I didn't want to talk about it too" and moved on.
Morale of the story:Respect the Bench Press or she will make you her bitch!Also always have someone spot you in the gym if you are using the Bench!
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