Mothers, sons , rationalisation and other things

Do you remember in high school when we were asked to write an essay and at times to take up words if the topic on hand would be something like The role of mentors in my life, this is how the essay would begin;
The word mentor is defined by the Collins Dictionary as a wise or trusted adviser or guide. Youth is a pivotal period in a young person's life and during this time they need.......
Anyway I am going to write a post on the ability of the human mind to rationalise anything so here goes.Rationalise is defined by the Collins Dictionary as;
1. to justify (one's actions, esp discreditable actions, or beliefs) with plausible reasons, esp after the event
2. to indulge, often unchallenged, in excuses for or explanations of (behaviour about which one feels uncomfortable or guilty)
3. to apply logic or reason to (something)
I was talking to the Derailer (the gal who got me off the train) and she was telling me about her big brother and her big sister.I met her big brother once and at the time I thought that he was younger then her.I asked her what he did for a living and she told me that she didn't want to talk about it.She later opened up and told me that he was actually older then her, around 32 and was a bum.All he does in her words in watch TV and get high on weed (paid for be Mummy dearest).
She told me that her mum had sent him to a private uni (Devry - not very cheap!) and 2 colleges and he had purposely flunked out of both of them.He also refused to get any job.So the derailer asked her mum why she doesn't get firm on him and she answered her saying that it isn't his fault that he is like that as their dad was in the Navy and as a result was away for months on end once he was away for one year.The derailer told her mum that that's b.s as there are single mothers who have raised sons with no problems, the mum replied that it's much harder for boys and that she doesn't understand.For every objection and point that she would come up with to tell her mum that it was time to get firm on her brother or show him the door, she would get a counter point from the mum.
It is rather obvious to all (o.k not to all) concerned that their are changes needed but the mum refuses to see this and act.Oh and the dad doesnt talk to the son at all.It just reminds me of another akataa (African American) girl I met who told me that she has a low opinion of akataa men as most of them are over coddled by their mothers and cannot take care of themselves and take responsibility for their lives.I have lived in two diff apartments with black men and in the first the apartment was very clean but culinary skills here only extended to taking the Big Mac out of the box and putting it into the microwave, in the second apartment there was a better display of skills ie using Hamburger Helper so I cannot reliably say that most of them can't take care of themselves (No typecasting here!) Now before you flay me it happens across all racial lines and back home too, but I am focussing on what I have experiences among black people that I know here.
Anyway statistics say that over 70% of children in African American homes are brought up by single mothers.Of course apart from blaming the men for being hit and run artistes, we could say this is also contributed to by the high incaceration rate for African American males in the U.S of A.So alot of these kids have fathers in the pen that they don't see.So in some cases it could be said that these mothers who are guilty of pampering their sons do so to make up for the fact that they don't have fathers around; even though in derailers case their father was not in the pen (penitentiary).
So I know this will earn me the ire of many single parent campaigners out there but is it possible that at times when there is only one parent, that they tend to overcompensate in one area ie being to strict or being too lax and this kind of parenting is what can lead to the situation as discussed above?
Anyway talking about rationalisation her big sister who turning 30 is one of these women who defines herself by her men and the approval she gets from them.The derailer once told me about how she had this dude who she would only get to see from 1 am usually on weekend nights ( for 10 Aco dollars name me the song that Blackstreet sang about this situation!) this went on for almost one year and she had the nerve to call this guy her boyfriend?!Then she was pregnant the other day by a guy who has 8 kids from 6 different women (and yes she knew about that) but sadly she lost the kid (although on hearing the news her mum wasn't moved as she wasn't too impressed when she heard about the dad and his situation).When I once made fun about Akataa baby mama drama like that I was accussed of throwing stones from my glass house or to use a more African appropriate analogy smoking weed in a hut made out of straw, but I have to ask other then maybe in the rural areas and I still do think that those numbers are a stretch are their many men in Nairobi who have that many children by that many mothers?If it happens alot then I will gladly eat my humble pie.
Derailer on the other hand boosts her self esteem in other ways, she loves her food.The indulgence has began to show, so she complains about it and I give her one of two answers; eat less and eat healthy OR exercise your ass off and you can still eat what you want.Well like most people she makes excuses why she can't do some form of excercise daily but at least she has been trying to go to they gym once in a while so that counts for something.
I am not one of those men who have to talk to their women daily but I do try to send at least a couple of text messages and we do hang out.So this weekend we hung out on Friday and Saturday morning and I called her that same evening.Then today afternoon she texts me to tell me that she went to the gym for 30 mins on the treadmill (I congratulated her) and then she rounds off the text by asking me whether I would have sent her a text message today if she hadn't sent me one first.All of you who have dealt with me know how I can be a kichwa ngumu (hard headed) so I replied with a question, "what do you think?" Please correct me if I am wrong but is the fact that your boyfriend hasn't texted you in a few hours when he called you the night before a matter of concern?
I guess I have become too used to dating women who had so much going on and so much self esteem that if Aco didn't call them or text them in one day they would hardly notice and even if they did they know that he would get around to it eventually.Or was it all an act and do you ladies expect your man to constantly call you and spend time with you failing to which there might be reprecussions?Anyway time for me to shut up before Kenyamusings, Mutumia, Girl Next Door, Shiroh and co jump down my throat!
AOB
This story reminds me of what I miss about the night life back home.In 99% of the joints back home we are all equal unlike here where only the VIP sit down while the rest stand!Ugh!