Thursday, June 22, 2006

What do men want?

At the moment I am working on one of my fabled cluttered superposts about the diminishing status of fatherhood, the increase in single parenthood and its' effect on children.Sounds like a term paper doesn't it?But the low key recognition of father's day got me to thinking about it.
But as I work on that here is something for the ladies to chew on.A woman asked, What do men want?And a man gave his response (that man was not me!).Happy reading!

I had to field this question, the answer is quite simple really.Men want honor, trust and integrity. Her remark was that this answer was cryptic, "no what do you mean?"

Well typical response from a feminist if you have to explain what these things are so for all the women reading this get out your pen and paper:

Men are not superficial like women, we do not look at your shoes, your hair, your purse, your watch, how expensive your clothes are or anything for that matter.
Women on the other hand obsess about these things in a potential guy. If you aren't wearing the newest shoes or fanciest watch, forget it.Men on the other hand look at your personality. Sure we want someone attractive, every single person does, but we don't care if you have or don't have money.

If you act like a slut, don't expect to get treated like a princess, if you put out right away we get the message that you put out for anyone and will never respect you.

If you flirt with all men at a bar, we know you have no integrity and you will never get an engagement ring from us. Same goes for hiding text messages and phone calls.

We don't want an attention whore. We want a stable woman that has tradtional family values. If you work, that is fine,, but since we do as well, we want someone to complement us.

We want loyalty, we don't want to always wonder if you will cheat on us.

We want integrity, if a man asks you out, tell him no and that you have a boyfriend.

If you are losing an argument bow out gracefully, men almost always do all the apologizing in fights.

When I come home I want to come to a peaceful home, stop nagging.

Relationshhips are give and take, just like you want a man to do things for you, you should do things for him. A woman that is a taker and not a giver will be alone.

Finally stop the entitlement complex, we get it you want to be spoiled, go find some punk to spoil you since a woman gets no respect in this instance.

I hope this clears a few things up.So basically if you are slutting it up and meeting men at bars and clubs all the time, stop bitching that you can't find a decent man because no man goes to those places to meet women they want to marry.

Regular programming will resume soon


KenyanMusings said...


Off to read

Shiroh said...

Acolyte, thin line there.

I especially don't agree with

We want integrity, if a man asks you out, tell him no and that you have a boyfriend.

Let the party of roasting this post begin.

drum roll

KenyanMusings said...

** Scratches head**

**Goes back to the psot again**

Aco, I have learnt,
as long as we get along,
as long as we are compatible in the ways that matter,
take time to know each other,
and understand each other and compromise,
because we are all wired differently....that is all that matters at the end of the day.

Sometimes, all those things you enumerate, are very theoretical on the ground, so it boild down to two individuals.

I have learnt to know every person, as the individual he is because we all go along saying we always know where and how to find love, and it blindsides us from the unlikeliest of places.

That said, why do you think all women want to get hitched? Washana marriage wewe.
In fact, the minute you enter a relationship looking for someone to marry...its is doomed!!! Dating is fun. It should be fun even if she/he does not turn out to be mr(s) right.

Second, the sword cuts both ways. I do not expect to bed a male whore either...kwa hivyo, take all those points and put them in a male perspective as well.

Ehe, so how are you doing you airhead? (Ducks stone and giggles off...)

Acolyte said...

@ Km
congrats!I see you have said little things with many words!Yes alot of that is theoretical but there are more women who want to get hitched then who don't want to get hitched.So you are in a minority.Not all gals are as happy go lucky as you are, you should share your secret with them.
I know some African mamas here who say that if they date it has to be leading somewhere serious, needless to say they are single.Your expertise is needed here!
As for male whores they exist but there is also a species of female who believes she can live the sex and the city lifestyle and get a good man at the end of the day.Fact is that we good men are not scavengers!
Otherwise I am sawa!I may even drop another bomb soon!
@ Shiroh
As for this line,
We want integrity, if a man asks you out, tell him no and that you have a boyfriend.
I think the author must have left something out.Or maybe he was trying to say there are some chics who still date when they have boyfriends.

egm said...

Hey Aco, pass me that shovel I dig my foxhole. And make sure the sandbags are properly packed. I hear the first salvos have been launched. Yup, drum roll please...

Agreed with KM. It takes two to tango. What I have against most of these statements about what men don't understand about women, or vice versa, is the one-sidedness of it all. Answers are given as though all on the opposite side of the arguement are right/wrong. A more balanced response is called for.

As for that superpost, I feel you on that. My violence post aluded to some of what you plan on writing about, but I was too lazy to expound on it. Do it justice.

Haya, off to my foxhole...

KenyanMusings said...

congrats!I see you have said little things with many words!...

Woooooweeee, nimetusiwa...Nishike...someone nishikeeeee!!! Here is vita now!!

Aheemmmm "Fact is that we good men are not scavengers!"

We good men? I see you have firmly entrenched yourself where you hardly belong.

Say Acolyte, what qualifies you to say that of yourself?

Acolyte said...

@ egm
Thanks for coming by.The issue of dads is so complex that I think I will do it in 3 interactive posts.
I do think that the answers could have been more balanced.
I do expect some cover fire from you in your foxhole!
@ KM
Let me answer your question with a question.What do you think about me qualifies me to be placed in the same categories as the bad boys women love to throw themselves at in clear ignorance of the consequences?
List my bad credentials and I will counter with my good.
Use as many words as you want and have it on my desk by lunchtime!

spicebear said...

ahem ... i am meant to be elsewhere and i wont go point by point (for now) but i shall say this: some of the guys who say that they will only settle down with a "good girl" (that usually means previously "untainted" by having sex with another man other that him) are the ones who go around chasing everything in a skirt. i have no problem with a man having standards about the kind of woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with but if he doesnt apply those standards to himself then he should just shut up. what exempts him from being a slut if he goes around having meaningless sex until he decides he wants to settle down? you can say that that is how society is wired but those are just excuses said men use that show lack of a back bone and independent thought and in that case i wouldnt want to be with someone like that.

and this notion that all women start dating a man and think "must.get.married.NOW!" in a zombie like manner is just ridiculous. fisrt of all, who said that the person i want to get married to is you (cos enyewe some dudes who calim they are being chased to get married are ... eh, lets leave it at that)? as KM said, sometimes dating is just dating. second, though some women may want to get married eventually (like men do) that doesnt mean they want to do it the instant they start seeing someone. again, this goes under "things that society thinks should happen when a woman is in a relationship" and we have already established that people are capable of independent thought. so deal with it on a person to person basis.

oh yeah, and everything else that KM said.

Joseph Walking said...

No need to hide in holes when the truth is spoken.Incidentally i received a bulleting yesterday on a new book by eddie long maybe people should have a look at it

I Don't Want Delilah, I Need You!: What a Woman Needs to Know, What a Man Needs to Understand (Paperback)
by Eddie L. Long
ps if you dont normally read xtian books you need to get this one and another one Teach Me How to Love You: The Beginnings (Paperback)
by Thomas Weeks, Juanita Bynum Weeks

Acolyte said...

@ spicebear
There are some men who are like the ones you have talked about ie sleep around but want to marry a virgin.But there are some of us who have had few relationships most of them being long term and we don't want to deal with the emotional baggage of a woman who decided to date with every baller and try to change every "exciting" bad boy into an angel.The fact is that the more men you have been with as a woman the more emotional baggage you have as woman in most cases.
Like I have said earlier not all women who start dating are looking for husbands but let me ask when you are only dating for fun, as in when sheer pleasure is what drives you; what happens when the man gets boring?You have nothing like long terms aspirations or goals for the relationship to drive you so after that weekend in the coast you dump him for the next casanova or hunk to come around and when he gets boring you carry on doing that.
After a while you become the girl who has been around every block that no good man wants because all that drove you is fun.But don't let me stop your fun dating girls!
@ joseph
I really think you need to share the info in those books to illuminate the minds of the independant gals of KBW.

Joseph Walking said...

no wacha they soma for themselves. ( i dont recon anyone as kbw i deal with individuals not mobs)one thing though some of the points they raise are valid . i think i am at that age where disagreeing about relationships is healthy rather than personal . people have standards i have my own standards. its really nothing to worry about.someone once told me that girls just want to have fun and women want other things . honestly i donrt need a girl in my life so i 'let the girls just have fun' its really a question of demand and supply so dont fret aco . i remember a time when i was young and focused on books women never wanted my mix i was considered boring all through undergrad . a few years later this same women are offering to come to my digs and cook for me and do the dishes ,iron clothes( yes the same independent women who thought i was boring and -not just one).lakini thats a blog for another day.tastes ,standards change lets not forget that but if you expect standards as spicebear said keep the same sandards

Acolyte said...

@ joseph
I wasn't disagreeing with spicebear.I do think that standards should be upheld on both sides.
But I do think there is a healthy mid point between dating for marriage and dating for fun.Feel free to correct me on that.
But it is true that some women who were out having fun for the sake of it do come around in time but some don't.....

Acolyte said...

To all I am going for lunch and a nap!So feel free to air your comments and threats, I'll be back soon!

Joseph Walking said...

When are you doing your post on the african american chick . i agree you were not diagreeing with her .
As for dating for fun . women date for many reasons .to be seen to be dating , for a ride instead of catching the bus,becuase friends are dating , for pocket money lol, for school fees, for love for fun, for strokes (yeah i said it)its just a matter of finding one who is dating you for the reason you are dating her for thats all. but if its for anything other than love it wont last. kwanza can we please distinguish between dating and being a bf and gf(as in going out) coz kenyans i think we have a problem with the two

acolyte said...

@ joseph
I will do a post on her soon just that things have been quiet on that front.I think we do need a definition between dating and going out; it would clear up a whole lot of things for sure!As for why women do things, hundreds of years have passed and men are still puzzled.

spicebear said...

who are these 'good men' you are referring to?

some guys want to marry a virgin and others want a girl with experience in the bedroom. which man is the good one?

also, does that mean that i am a bad girl if i have dating experience and a good girl if its of an acceptable standard that was set by god-knows-who? and that all the dating experience is limited to "bad boys, ballers" etc?

so, right now, mimi spicebear, (eeh, used myself as an example cos i cant use anyone elses name) should aspire to seriously date and forsake all else (ie just normal dating)?

cos this is where i get confused. you claim all women think about marriage but when mimi, spicebear date without an aim for marriage i are suddenly undesirable cos i am not thinking about getting hitched. but the minute i do - and you say that women who do so are annoying and clingy - y'all go like "aha! all that spicebear thinks about is marriage!" this oxymoron puzzles me.

as i said, let people have their standards as long as they are consistent, reasonable and not what other people tell you is good or bad.

AK said...

You too? tables have been turned on the to read

in the meantime, Ghana just made my day!

acolyte said...

@ spicebear
I am in a bit of a rush so I can't address your whole answer but I will say this I didn't at any point say that all women seek marriage when they date.Plus you seem to be repeating what I said to Joe, I said that it is good to have standards but they should go both ways.
Plus there is a big difference between dating experience if you talk about meaningful relationships vs flings and CFAs.
@ ak
Holla back when you are done!

AK said...

The way I see it, it seems men and women are stuck in two different worlds.

While women and the way they percieve the world have changed with the times, many men in setting their standards, are still guided by the conservative/traditional yardstick.

and that is why a woman flirting in a bar is seen to have no integrity while a man who flirts with that same woman can still walk out with his head up high!

the same incident that boosts a man's ego is seen to damage a woman's integrity.

nothing is a constant, the world has changed in every way and the general trend is that standards are adjusted upwards, not downwards!

the metrosexuals are simply responding to the changing times! so bring along those good-looking shoes anytime.

Joseph Walking said...

ak you didnt read the article metro sexual is out macho is back

Anonymous said...

The women and the truth are not compatible. Women treat the truth as an economic resource and a scarce one at that. True true men lie but that does not even begin to compare with the manipulation, false reassuarances, pretence, back stabbing and sabotage that women churn out and whats interesting is that it's all delivered with a smile. But despite all their weaknesses we can never stay for too long without their presence. They cool down the society's temperance and encourage diversity.

Prousette said...

I shall be speaking for myself only.
I'd be lying if I said I did not view a partner as marriage material and this means someone I would not have to push under the bed/inside the cupboard if my mom found us together. That is the honor part.
That does not mean he is under any obligation to get hitched with me or anybody else.
For somebody I would be spending a lot of time with there are things that really matter to me. Like cleanliness and tidiness. Intelligence and mutual respect. Among others.
If I have to let you into my life and my body there has to be trust and some sort of commitment you can say you have a girlfriend too.
Most important treat me well,like you would a friend.

You would think that women love nagging but if you (the man) listen and give feedback bye bye nagging. Otherwise as you make your bed, you lie in it, thorns and all. Msiba wa kujiletea hiyo!

Anonymous said...

a)I'm of the opinion all this brouhaha boils down to men wanting to feel they are treading where no man has trodden before. More fool them.

b)If I put out='slut'...I get passed over for the 'untouched' ones.

c)If I don't put out=c*\k tease and I get cheated on by my boyfriend with a....'slut'!

d)I can't/couldn't win so I quit while I was ahead and bought myself a companion of the battery operated type.


acolyte said...

@ ak
It seems that everyone esp the ladies decided to read in between the lines.The guy who wrote this article simply answered the question and did not say that he is going to hoe about in the meantime or anything like that, but whenever an article like this comes up the ladies always get defensive then lash out.
Fact is you have really generalised in saying that men are conservative while women are liberal.I have met conservative women and liberal men so your hypothesis has been rendered null.
There is nothing wrong with a woman flirting in a bar but when that is all you live for then there is indeed a problem, same goes for men.
As for metrosexuals, if you want a man who uses as much make up as you; then power to you!
@ anonymus
Well said, well said!
@ prou
As usual you do prove to be a voice of reason in the houbris.There is little I can take away or add to your statement!
@ anonymus/wanjiku
1)Not really, we know there have been others.What we dislike is when it has been every able bodied male in a 3 mile radius in your town.
2)There are honest patient men who are in no rush to get some but on the other hand if you know your man wants it and you keep on teasing him you have no-one to blame but yourself.
3)That is indeed a good move and I encourage more women who can't handle men to join you and stop bitching.
This correspondence is now closed