Saturday, July 29, 2006

The Acolyte Awards

Welcome to the first edition of the Acolyte Awards.These are awards given to people who have excelled at different areas in everyday life,business,entertainment etc.Monthly winner will be put into the end of year pool where they will compete in the Annual Acolyte Awards where the prize will be 1,000,000/= Acolyte dollars!

Unlucky Bastard of the Month

Aloysius Abacha (if that's his real name) was dumped by his "aunt" in a Bangladesh Airport while they were on transit to London.The police have been unable to trace the woman who brought him there.How he came to the country remains a mystery,Bangladesh National Women Lawyers Association (BNWLA) with the aim of keeping him in safe custody.If he was dumped there by a family member then he is one unlucky bastard.But if he took himself there, then he is one grade A moron!Bangladesh?!That is one poor ass country, he would have been better off staying his Nigerian ass at home.

Sucker Of The Month Award

This award goes to a woman who made what seemed to be a good decision only to come out looking like an idiot. When the Artur brothers came into town every woman's tongue in Nairobi hit the floor.The style, the bling,the car, the house in Runda, the big business plans, one million dollars displayed on camera, the parties and spending tens of thousands on their girlfriends on on day.Kenyan men were kicked to the curb and even one KBW blogger (I will not name names) exclaimed, "where are the Armenians?"One word describes Armenians...Euro trash!Ask any
It is later when everything about them turned out to be a lie.They were not related to those in power in the Czech Republic or Armenia, they were wanted elsewhere and those were not their real names!
In an action that epitomised what is wrong with our country, Wangui got cozy with one of the Artur brothers, set up a company with them and most probably used her clout to help them go places.When the Artur brothers decided to show their true colors and the sh*t hit the fan Wangui was left holding the bag.Her name is now being dragged through the mud and all that good old daddy said about the state of affair was,"The first family is composed of the following: First Lady Lucy, sons Jimmy, David …"
So in a statement that I echo to the rest of Kenya is, all that glitters is not gold and white doesn't equate right.

The I Am Not Functioning On All Cylinders Award

This is a character on the reality TV show Who wants to be a Superhero.11 people or rather Super Heros pitched their ideas and were chosen to live together in a lair and do tasks that test their character and determine which one will be worthy to be immortalised in a comic and appear in a movie on the Sco-fi channel.
It's no secret that I love comic books but when I put the comic down it ends there.I have no desire to run around half the city in shiny tights performing good deeds.I think you must have a screw loose to want to be remembered as Monkey Woman or Cell Phone girl.
Only in America

The I Think God Loves Me Award

Some bastard in Poland got high on Polish vodka and decided to throw his St Bernard dog out of the second story window of his apartment.The lucky dog landed on a man on the street who only suffered some shock.That dog needs to do something useful with his life!

The Heart of Gold Award

This goes to Shiro (not forgetting Kibet) for their work with the kids at St Francis Integrated School.When you work your way up the hill of life it is so easy to gorget those whom are behind you.These two and those who have been helping them havent.I am waiting for uni to get back into session so I can rally the Ministries here to help.I suggest we all do the little we can to help.Remember if you sow good things you get good things in return!

The Drama Post Of The Month Award

I have always loved reading Kmusing's blog for the rants and observations.But this one post where KM was candid as ever rubbed some people the wrong way and we had a blog war on our hands.At last count before it was shut down this post had 85 comments.Kmusings keep the posts coming and best of luck in getting a new jobo!
Time to bounce.Any suggestions for new categories are most welcome!


Archer said...

Ahem! First. Now lemme read the post!

Archer said...

Hmm...I wonder where Kagz is today.Its kinda lonely here at the top!
Aii Aco,have mercy on the poor kid.How could an 11 year old kid board a plane unaccompanied and get to Bangladesh?If he ever finds that aunt he should twanga her proper! And his folks as well for giving him such a name.
As for Wangui,I suggest upgrading her award to "Cretin of the Year Award!" I bet she feels really cheap now.

Couch 'tato said...

how about archer for stalker of the year!
Damn even Kagz is my stalker of the year!

Rista said...

Aco, thanks for a good laugh. loved the 'i think God loves me' award.

Kagz said...

Archer : Ha Ha Ha
Looks like i'm fighting a losing battle coz you are a self professed "certified insomniac".

Ati..."its kinda lonely"
Si you import that mama you left in Kenya *wink*wink*

Me I still Like You Regardless.
(PS: Read my reply to your comment on my blog)

Aco : As for drama @ KM's crib, i'm still trying to forgive myself for participating...not my style.

They say...
On the 8th day, God made Kenyans.

On the 9th day, God made Nigerians

Nakeel said...

The unlucky award am feeling for that boy. Hope the women keep him locked that he doesn't get to be given boza..

Am with you on the Heart of Gold Award

Half 'n' half said...

With You also on the heart of Gold. Somehow Wangui deserves a bigger award. But baba kibs deserves an award for Disowning father of the month- Most obvious statement of the month?
Gibson Kuria on most minutes spent talking nothing (ahhhm, aahhhm, aahhm,)

mia said...

true true ... kudos to Shiro for compassion and KM for humor/controversy
lol@halfnhalf - Kamau Kuria definitely considers it his supreme duty to refrain from any appearance of monosyllabic diatribe!
Aco, hard to keep up with you these days - churning out one post every day must be some kind of record, you certainly take this blogging thing quite seriously!

acolyte said...

@ archer
First as usual I see.In the case of that kid the jury is still out.But I do agree that wangui must be feeling like a right idiot right about now!
@ couch tato
Seems peeps have overtaken you in the fine art of blog racing.
@ Rista
You're welcome!
@ kagz
As for the drama at KM's I tried to stay out but some idiot decided to try and smear my name so I had to pop in and set things straight.As for Nigerians, they are on a level of their own.
@ nakeel
For that kid, the story is from a rock to a hard place as Bangladesh is no fun whatsoever!
@ halfkenyahalfsudan
I was considering being harsher on her but the ladies may have been up in arms so I laid off.I think Kibs has been laid into so much there is little else I can say.But Gibson should get a mention for being a total muppet!
@ mia
thanks for the kudos.I try to blog when I can.

Shiroh said...

Hey Acolyte, i am honoured by your award. When is the ceremony?LOL.

I hope you are well. I was there on Sunday and the situation is much beter as the days go by. We are creating much awareness.


acolyte said...

@ Shiroh
I am well and you are most def welcome!Keep up the good work!

Kibet said...

Thanks Aco. Glad to report that all the swollen scabied hands are back to pretty & handsome fingers. We look forward to your support for future developmental activities.