Friday, September 01, 2006

Awwwwwwwww hell to the no! Time to chew some Bamboo and Please Help!

Some people like Aretha Franklin are icons in the areas of soul, r 'n' b and gospel.The kind of individuals you wan't to respect and have a high opinion of.But now when after performing wearing this dress

They sit down and what you see is this....

They sit down and you get to see those humongous puppies try to escape the confines of her chest.Damn!Doesnt good ole Aretha have a stylist?God damn, mami has to have the strength of Atlas to carry them around!Now I'm going to stop talking about that and even looking at that picture.IT JUST ISN"T RIGHT!
Good luck trying to forget that image.......

Word is that everyone's favorite rapper is in the Union.Yes Bamboo is stateside and from what I hear is that it's for the long haul.Word is that this cat is carrying round like he's still the greatest thing ever.Hold up bro, we arent in Nai anymore, we are all equal up in here son!
I hear dude is on the grind like everyone else.It would be rather ironic after rapping about his bling, balling and his babes the dude could be bagging groceries in walmart or asking, "Do you want fries with that."Because I heard at one point he was booed off stage at a concert, I dont think he is going to be making too much cash that way.
Welcome to the Real World Bamboo!

Now there is a delicate issue that I need your help with.You do know that there is a new Kenyan mama who is in the program.Any of you in the South know that summer gets pretty hot and most of fall is still pretty toasty too.Now this mama thinks she is still in the cool Kenyan climate where you dont need deo or roll on or maybe she just doesn't think that it's neccesary, so as a result when the afternoon checks in this mama is throwing to high heaven.I know ya'll think I'm hating but this is how bad it is.I share an evening class with the chic and our lecture is held in a conference room with us sitting on a large table.The room is pretty small and enclosed with a little aircon. This chic was heffing so bad that the chics next to her and across the table were whispering about it.When I walked out of class with a gal pal we noticed the area she was seated at was heffing something fierce!
I asked my room mate to talk to her about it like a week or so ago since they're close, but it seems he hasnt done so.I'm not that close so I don't know how to go about it.Do I come over with a smile and tell her that she needs to use roll on, to which she'll take offence or do I just hog tie her and spray her?On a serious note what to do in a situation like this?


Kenyanchick said...


Why are you trying to blind me??

I'll return with words of wisdom after my sight is restored.

Acolyte said...

@ kenyanchick
Pole sana!I hear pouring boiling water in the eyes helps....

egm said...

Yaani it's a miracle those straps did not snap! You can see they have been vurutwad mpaka spring constant in F =-kx has been exceeded! Hooke must be rolling in his grave with envy for not having discovered a material as strong as that used to make that strap!

As for the mama, I dunno. I'll leave that to my sistren to explore.

mocha said...

LOL....yaani, even with a heads up I still hata the GOLD.

Not at number 4.

Off to soma whilst I have me lunch!!!

Prousette said...

Respectable position here today.

Lakini Aretha must have very strong chest and back muscles to lug that weight around. A business opportunity for wonderbra et al, where are they to help her?

I think u should tie that girl and spray her cos I can think of no other way.

Acolyte said...

As the original poster of that pic said, "that was the nipple slip from hell waiting to happen!"
@ mocha
Holla back when you are done!
@ prou
I was thinking the same thing coz those puppies are not light!
AS for the mama I will give you all an update as it unfolds or should I say, wafts.

Msanii_XL said...

why aretha? why?? were there not enough maxi's?

about bamboo lazima a grind..until he gets that ever ELUSIVE deal. about the maringo, nah dude is real chill cat, could not be that much of front, cause first I met him...we built lovely, rather no airs at all.

acolyte said...

@ Msanii
I guess you saw a side of Bamboo many other peeps didnt see, maybe thats what he needs to be showing people and not the attitude
Anyway Im on the road to ATL, be good people!Dont pollute the comment section when I'm gone!

mocha said...

LOL....I can see Aco has vamoosed to ATL.

Now....A.Franklin needs to be sorted out pronto. Kweli, who is her personal shopper or dresser? EEIISSHHH!!!

Aco....Miss BO needs to be shown the fragrance aisle, how to wash yourself properly video and a man / woman who is brave enough to tell it to her face when her BO checks in. You and your pal are p***ies!!! There I have said it!

Have a nice weekend!

Princess said...

I knew someone with a horrible body odor and we would go to clubs and folks would moev away from where we were dancing and if you entered her car the entire car smeleed just as bad. Anyway, someone talked to her eventaully and in her case it wasn't that she never used deo or had bad was a medical condition that is now being controlled or has been taken care of. I think and you may think I am crazy, but perhaps you should try hinting at go to the store and walk through the deo aisle and ask her if she needs anything like deo etc.

Archer said...

That outfit must be made of latex bana! All that stretching... As for Bamboo, I spoke my words jana and guys killed it saying he aint that much of a rapper. Now for the chile, sometimes there's no easy way of saying it so just tell it to her straight up! Chic you better check your B.O quick! Its better than making faces and doing nothing about it.

kalenjin said...

Woi! (he screamed with hands covering his eyes while he peered at the pic through his fingers) Heh Heh!

Murder she wrought! The 'funky' chile needs to be 'seen sideways' (Kuonwa kando) by the other chiles in the class and be schooled in the use of deodorants. Dude, its a man no go zone. She might take it as an affront and not take the advice from you.

Anonymous said...

That chic with a problem of body odour, just write to her an anonymous e-mail, note or whatever. Aki coz she has to now one way or another. Just make it v.clear on the correspondence that she needs to do something. And then follow it up with one or two samples of underarm deo and some perfume. walmart has some stuff that is decent enough for the pocket. And that will get the message across if she's a chap chap chic.

Mimmz said...

Aiyayae! Aretha has done us wrong! Two words - Breast reduction!

As for the girl with BO, just talk to her. A semester is a whole long time to go through those smelly conditions.

nick said...

is that what she meant by " coz a rose is still a gal u still a flower" thats just NASSSSSSSSSSTAY!

i guess they make her feel like a natural woman....

ok last cheap pun

-dont get me startedon kkenyan "rappers"

Movie Buff said...


Did u read the comments people made in Crunktastical about Aretha???

Ati R.E.S.P.E.C.Titttiiieesss...
People are CRAZY!

Another fool semad ati...

Those pearls are under so much pressure, when she chucks them, they will be diamonds.... hahahahahahaha.... I almost DIED.....

Msanii..... He was?? Hm! Interesting. Far as I can tell, he thinks his shit dont stink..

As for that other chile.. TELL HER! KWani?

egm said...

@ MB, I just came from crunk. Yup, those comments are just anbirifabow! Folks are creatively funny!

Movie Buff said...

Im telling EGM... those people at crunktastical need to start their own show... sometimes I think I will be fired coz I just BURST into fits of uncontrollable laughter here at jobo.....

egm said...

Wacha si even me huku the way I'm trying to control. My fave, ati during the show they waited with bated breathe incase she hit a high note or sneezed and one of them twins flew off and killed a small child like J. Dupri...

Or them twins so big you could mistake them for brontosaurus balls! Waaaa!

Movie Buff said...

BE careful.

That shit is very addictive!

Soon u will just be on refresh mode trying to see who has commented!

acolyte said...

@ All
After my wonderful trip on trains,planes and automobiles I have returned!
@ Mocha!
Sasa matusi juu ya nini?You know mambo of B.O yu dont talk about ovyo ovyo!
@ Princess
Your pals situation was extreme but its good that they managed to get it rectified!
@ Archer
That outfit is the eighth wonder of the world.As for that mama, if she is still throwing on Tue I will drop tha bomb!
@ Kalenjin
Looooooooooool!I had to share the good tidings!
@ anon
That is a great idea!I will most def put it into practice!
@ mimmz
You are right!If nothing is done, it's going to be a long semester!
@ Nick
Well seems that rose is going to explode on stage!
@ Movie Buff
I am rushing to crunktastical now!I am already addicted without even reading the comments but now I am there for life!
@ egm
Welcome to the crunktastical family!

Half 'n' half said...

Yikes!!! What did we ever do to you........or to Aretha for that matter.
Bout the chick, start a discussion about which is the best deo, the benefits etc when she is around and make a point of asking her what she uses, and if she says none, act completely shocked that someone doesnt use deo in that heat

Chatterly said...

Aretha, Aretha, Aretha whyyyyy??? Damn, she doesnt have a mirror at home? or some good honest friends? eisshhhhhhh bad!

That buddy of yours who stinks....just ask her off handedly what deo she uses :-)

Acolyte said...

@ half n half
Yout strategic approach sounds best!
@ chatterly
Now Aretha is on her level!As for the deo issue, I am not at all suprised by your answer!

AK said...

just where have i been?

my deepest respekt to Ms Aretha, she is simply being African, we never had issues with boobs, did we? she must have some strong Zulu or Swati connections.

as for your colleague, unleash a strong male deo on her. just give it to her, i did that to some lady rela once and there's no bad blood between us, just appreciation!

Nakeel said...

Ma Aretha missed it badly.

Just approach that chik and vibe out truth be told she cant live being laughed and katiziaring the starehe while you can tell her she will either choose to hate or love you but dont mind about it just mwambie

Aulelia said...

you are the first kenyan blogger i have come across & thank god for that... i must have been living under a rock >> so all the east africans are around here somewhere!

those matitis of hers need support. ha, u'd probably need the whole tanzanian and kenyan army combined to create a bra big enough..

Rista said...

'sup Aco. For the kenyan mama... best case scenario ask a chile that you know to invite her to go with them when she's shopping for deo... indicating that of course! kenyan mama is in the market for deo. Once they get to the shop, should have the shop attendant break down deos for her. If you can't find a chile to do this, sure you can go along with her? Great that you're concerned :-)

acolyte said...

@ AK
Long time no hear!
Yes black mamis never have problems in that department!
As for your suggestion, duly noted!
@ Nakeel
I guess some cases do call for your direct approach!
@ aulelia
Always good to have a new face!There are loads of Kenyan blogers!Welcome to the fam!
But that mama sure needs a super bra!
@ rista
I am waiting to hear how it went when I get back from the ATL!

The.Hanyeé said...

Bro, this is mad...

Aretha? There Mr. W.Bush...we found the gaddamn WMDs!

That image is hard to erase..Lordy Lord!

Bamboo's flows are tight, kutoka when he was in K-South..tight and very hilarious..lakini he has mooob airs, that I concur...

acolyte said...

@ the.hanyee
Once you see that image it never leaves you!
I do agree that bamboo has talent but his people skills do seem wanting!

Joseph Walking said...

aCOLYTE you have just made my day with the bamboo story as for the kenyan mama kijan step up to the plate she is aibisharing the country .lakini just give her and bambo two more months the airs will die

acolyte said...

@ Joseph Walking
I too am waiting for more Bamboo tales!Will update you on how matter go.