Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Milonere (Me I Love Our NEws REgardless)

I am sittting in the library trying to review a godawful chapter on public finance and budgeting.This is a punishment and a half!

But as I was doing so, my new gacungwa (just kidding about that!) found me and we got to talking.She told me how she wanted to become a journalist and I pointed to her how fewer and fewer Americans are watching the news in this day.From there somehow the story jumped to Kenyan news and it is then I realised how much I miss Kenyan news on tv.

Kenyan news was far from balanced,groundbreaking and prolific but most of the time it sure was entertaining!

I remember once when there was this story of this dude who used to climb transformers and steal the oil in them.This would make the transformers malfunction and the areas served by it would be plunged in darkness until repairs were done.But as the saying goes siku za mwizi ni arubaini.The thief somehow when trying to climb down got electrocuted fatally and his corpse was left hanging upside down.

In true shameless fashion there was a shot of the charred corpse hanging upside with wanainchi crowded nearby staring.

They interviewed a member of the crowd who had this to say, "Alifanya vizuri kuchomeka hiyo mambo imetuletea shida sana!" Damn Kenyans can be cold, me included because when I was telling my pal this story, we were both laughing.

I also couldn't resist giving the stories about how Kenyan police would encounter thugs and would engage them in a shoot out or execute them, following which the OCPD in his brown uniform would wield their weapons (wearing no gloves) and tell journalists gathered "the thugs opened fire on my mboys and they returned fire killing them all"

At this point I added the observation about how whenever someone was shot or hit by a car more often than not they would lose a shoe.

Who can forget the hey days of Mungiki stripping women who were dressed in minis?I recall watching one of the victims being interviewed and I must have said that it was somewhat calloused of them to not even let her get over her trauma before interviewing her.

What about my hero Fred Gumo?I can remember when as an Assitant Minister in the Education Ministry he addressed striking Utalii College students and asked them to go to class.They replied with a resounding "NO!" Gumo looked at them and in his usual loutish manner told them, "Mnasema no?Ngoja mtasema yes."
The students replied with laughter and later on the situation was resolved.Fred Gumo is indeed a brute, but a brute after my own heart.

Who can forget coverage of riots in Nairobi when the GSU would swoop down and batter everything that moved; men, women, children, dogs and cats.I have always said that GSU should be sent to deal with WTO demos, if they did rest assured the G-8 and company would be able to destroy the rest of the world in peace.

Anyway I could go on and on.Feel free to share your memories of the Kenyan news experience, and no please don't tell us of the wonderful days when we knew every single thing that Moi was up to!
Some news clip that I got on youtube.Not as funny as what I had mentioned but should bring back memories for all!Have a good evening wherever you are!

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

how refreshing, to reminisce on the hilarious moments which kenyan news brought us. loool...the one about the guy who was electrocuted brings to mind the tragedy of the oil tanker that rolled, spilling petrol in Kiambu district in 2003. Peeps scrambled for it as it flowed freely down the road. One of the villagers scooping the free petrol craved for a puff of his rooster cigarette which he duly lit up, in the process killing 12 people when the fumes ignited. Later on in his hospital bed when asked if he would ever again help himself from a rolled tanker he said... "hee!siwezi tena kusogea karibu na rori iriyoaguka...rabda tu kama ni ya maziwa." (KTN news)

Girl next door said...

Oh yeah, you could always count on Kenyan news for entertainment! Growing up in a shagz area where the only channel we got was KBC, we'd always gather around to watch "Habari Kwa Ufupi". The announcers were our celebz, we'd comment on their clothes (the colors) and hairstyles. I liked the video-clips of ordinary wananchi being asked questions; there were some funny comments plus there's always a crowd in the background.

mocha said...

LOL....Kenyan news is always funny.

My favourite bit is when the anchors didn't know they were on.

Besides....the entertainment was in the studio rather than the news coverage in my opinion.

Talk about flashbacks....remember the magnetic weather forecasts??? LOL!!! Those were the days!

Acolyte said...

@ Anonymous
That dude was on a level of his own.How do you smoke in the presence of petrol?
@ GND
My dear pole sana.Ati one tv channel?!But KBC was loads of fun I admit!Kenyan crowd scenes rock!
@ Mocha!
I do remember those moments and they rocked big time!
I do remember the weather forecasts that were always wrong!Those were the days, carrying an umbrella in the sweltering heat of nai!

pikachu said...

that was sooooo funny!!!!!!! LOL!!! I remember when a bunch of us young wazungu ladies sat down at this rural roadside cafe near Busia, there was this kitten circling our feet and we asked the waitress about the kitten, she put the tray down, picked the kitten up by its tail, circled it in the air and swung the screaming kitten towards some bushes. We were like not sure how to react because I wasn't sure if this was a Kenyan culture thing and didn't want to offend the waitress who calmly went about doing her thing. I just remember all of us trying so hard not to react but afterwards we were like what the f was that?! so we consoled and pampered the poor kitten and left some chicken for it. Gosh so many funny stories, Kenya is a funny place.

The Devious One said...

@ Mocha...the weathermans name was Francis Ngwata and he used to say " na leo kutakuwa na mvua hapa magahribi then SMACK !he sticks a magnetic thingamajig on the so named location..the he would add on.." na hapa Nairobikutakuwa na jua..SMACK..a gay ass face of a sun is stuck on Nai ! hahahahhahah damn we've come a long way !

Nicholas said...

do u guys remember mimi ndimi wandimi muchemi?

Aco:weh did u work on our secret collabo

makanga said...

GSU are some serious dudes. I saw them train at length and let me tell you those jamaas are trained to harm. They had this gym that didn't have enough weights, so they used logs to do bench presses, squats and all that.

Animals.

acolyte said...

@ Pikachu
At times animals dont have the best time in Kenya I admit, but alot of interesting things do go down in our country that's for sure!
@ Devious One
You have a good memory, his name had escaped me!We have come a long way!
@ Nick
It ain't a secret now that you're talking about it!
@ Makanga
I have seen them train too and seen the results.It's amazing how far a woman can fly when given a side kick by a man wearing army boots!

Joseph Walking said...

Does anyone remember the kane mongare and kj did on KBC news with the guy falling down and repeating samahani for techinical difficulties and goofs that kbc used to be known for. that stuff was funny

bomseh said...

@the devious one, calling him Francis Ngwata sounds different, he usually said Nguata Francis.
there was also a lady called Winnie Mutuli.
Wandimi Muchemi with his international forecast would say,"....na tukiagalia sehemu za Mubai,Karashi na Sigapooo....."accent was heavy.
on regular news Hamisi Temo takes the cake with his head nodding.

Aegeus said...

Not that I pay too much attention to the news but I remember one time that during the presentation a guy walked across the set in front of the cameras, slowly, twice! (KTN) And another time Lilian Muli was yelling something at someone off camera (Wee waacha!! or something like that) when the news came back on air. It was hilarious watching her compose herself, knowing she goofed, trying to look as serious as required. Heh heh!

Anonymous said...

who is lilian muli

Anonymous said...

@ Anon
Lillian Muli is a cute mama who is a KTN reporter.

She has now chilled out but in the past she used to really whore around!

I hear she was even in a sex tape!

gishungwa said...

RFLOLMAO aki you have lla made my day
nguata francis and his manyunyu
mimi ndimi wandimi muchemi
I loved them to death wish there were clips to rewind .....

Scarlet said...

Hey, are you sure that Lilian Muli used to whore around?

By the way, talking of KBC, does anyone know anything about Natasha Likimani and Lindah Oguttu of KBC? I think they rock only that they are in a pathetic station...what do you guys think?

Acolyte said...

@ scarlet
I have first hand info as regards that fact!I think she may have changed now but way back when it was a fact. Thanks for passing by!

Tinda said...

Yes..... Lilian Muli is still such a whore.
You would never believe that she is the same person who sits and reads the news with so much gut.
She is such a bimbo!

Anonymous said...

yall are hating,so lillian is a whore,how many guys wouldnt trade in their wives or sell an eye just to sleep with her.lillian do your thing girl.....

Anonymous said...

Romours! Lilian is such a beauty and a dignified lady. You just hating. The sad thing, your romours won't stop her! Perverts! Munawakisha TV kuwatch news ama kushangaa Lilian?

Anonymous said...

yeah lilian rocks but esther arunga is even hotter. Dya know anything about her?

Anonymous said...

I agree with you dude.Esther Arunga came in KTN just the other day and damn she hotter than fire.And 'bout Lilian,i don't give a damn if she used to and is still whoring around.I would even kill to sleep with her so stop hating on this godess called lilian and let her do her thang.

Anonymous said...

you guyz dont knw the hottest thing on T.V is...PAULINE MASESE OF KBC...SHE HAS THAT ESTER ARUNGA ASS CELOTAPED ON LILIAN MULIS BOOBS WITH A BELINDA OBURA BABY FACE!