I.C.U.

I left the I.C.U. one hour ago.No I was not in an accident or been stricken by some deadly illness.I have finally passed the plateau of my hangover.I rarely have hangovers but when I do they are of I.C.U magnitudes.Yesterday one of the international students was having a bash and I decided to attend to represent good old K.E.N.Y.A, it was pretty good and all continents were represented, for a change I actually met an American who knew where Kenya was and even about Nairobi; I had gotten so tired of the blank stares,moronic statements and the impromptou geography lessons that I have to give that I usually tell people I am from East Africa.Moving on, one of my other new year's resolutions is no more drinking and it is one that I had been faithful to until last night.As I came in I noticed that there were no soft drinks so I decided to have a bottle of brown water aka Lite Beer.After having one I noticed that the supply of drinks was running low and I decided to grab what I could.So what had remained was vodka, so I went ahead and poured myself a half a cup and added some ice and lime juice.In my rush for the free vodka I had forgotten why prior to that night I had not drunk vodka in 4 years.First of all there the burnng sensation as it goes down your throat,then the unexpected inebriation that strikes you when you least expect it (I have had a friend who shifted from political discourse to cursing and jibberish in 2 seconds), the memory loss (I have a night that I have 3 different acccounts of, I know in my head I stopped those 2 from fighting; but I was told that I did an impressive job of kicking both of their asses- but that is a post for another day), then last but not least there is the hangover and dehydration if you didnt drink at least 500ml before you went to bed.
Anyway I got up feeling like someone had taken a sledgehammer to my head then ran over it with a semi truck and at the same time feeling like there was a dance troupe tap dancing in my skull.My mouth tasted like something had died in it and my tongue felt like sandpaper.I was felt totally drained so getting up was a herculean task, I could hardly stand sound so I watched the tv on mute ( thank God for closed captioning! ).To add insult to my injuries I had gone to the gym yesterday so in addition to my head, my chest was aching, biceps were spasming and my abs felt like I had gone 15 rounds with Oscar de la Hoya and Bruce Lee had used it as a kicking board afterwards.The headache meds I took seemed to have no effect so I could only drink water and fizzy drinks till my appetite returns ( vodka hangovers kill my appetite ).
But the appetite did return and I did manage to have breakfast at noon and luch at 4 p.m.I am now at 80% capacity, I have spent most of the day replacing the brain cells that I lost during last night's bender by reading a book for one of my classes that is so interesting that I intend to post on it soon.
Lesson of the day: Vodka is the tool of the devil!
Lesson 2: There is nothing as dangerous as free alcohol
Lesson 3: Don't forget the lessons of the past
Lesson 4: Always go to a bash with some of your own liqour/soft drinks
Lesson 5. Even under the influence some women still remain sexually unappealling
Lesson 6: Please learn from my mistakes and do not imitate me!

Captions please!

Since end of the week is here, it is time for a relaxing and fun exercise.I am going to put up some pics and I want all you children at home to write captions for me.The winning captions shall be attached to the pictures.Entries close Monday evening.
Pic 1


Winner: M.O.C.H.A - "Honey, where is the remote?" "Get up and look for it yourself you lazy bum! Can't you see am busy?" came the reply.
Runner up:Prousette- Whatch'all lookin at? Can't a brother have some quiet time alone?

Pic 2


Winner: Prousette- Oh Boy!!
Runner up: M.O.C.H.A - Shit! I have just soiled myself.

Pic 3


Winner: Nick- before it was EAT ME now with pussy pop its DRINK ME
Runner up: >d -Dad accidentally busts in on his son getting in on with some girl. The son looks up at him and says:*
"Want some p_ssy, pop?"

Pic 4


Winner:Irena - "Yeah you are damn right! I can kick you ass!"
Runner up:Prousette- Out! You hear? Out
Pic 5


Winner: >d - "That's right, squirt right in my mouth!"
Runner up:Prousette - Say Ah!

Advice columnist

Guest poster Instigator here, The Acolyte was too boring to come up with anything today so he gave me free reign......

I think I lost my boyfriend but I don't know what happened. He was really successful and I just starting out as a dental hygienist. He took me to two really nice restaurants and he was just so sweet to me. He wasn't anything like the construction worker guys I usually date. I think he was into computers or something. We went on three dates and I really liked him, but he just stopped calling. I tried to email him but I got no response. I don't know what went wrong, we seemed good together. The only thing I can think of is that I told him we would never have sex, but you are supposed to say that so they don't want it right away. None of this makes sense because our last conversation didn't give me any clues he wasn't interested. - Heather

Heather,

You are a complete idiot. You find a successful guy and he takes you out three times? You really like him but insist there will never be sex? It seems your boyfriend was very interested until you insisted there would never be sex. Generally if you tell a guy there will NEVER be sex, he'll thank you for being honest and find a woman who IS interested in sex.

Sex is important to a man. Men need regular orgasms as much as women need to menstruate. It is a normal physiological function. Telling a man he will never have sex with you is like telling him you don't like him and don't want to see him anymore. Your man left you behind because he didn't want just nice conversation and buying you expensive dinners. This isn't the 1880s. There are no more 2-3 year courtships before sex. Just remember when you tell a guy there will NEVER be any sex, that will probably be your last meeting.

- I am sure that some of you ladies out there are scoffing and saying, "It just shows that he was interested in her just for sex!" No he was not, he was interested in her first but you must understand that when a man dates a woman key word being dating, sex is not always the first thing on his mind but in his mind it is an inevitability and is lurking somewhere in the back of his mind.If a man wanted to spend time with a woman and not get laid he would go for group activities with his workmates,family and friends and not waste his time and money dating you,calling you and buying gifts.If you don't intend to put out in any way at all in the unforseen future stop wasting a man's time and go hang out with your girlfriends,male friends and family.What is dating other then a glorified mating dance?

Disclaimer: The views of the poster above are in no ways those of the Acolyte and endorsed by the management of this blog and blogspot.

Choices

I went for my class yesterday and today morning, unceremoniously dropped it!Why?First of all we were only 4 people in the class an arrangement that I abhor.As a young lad I hated private tuition, all that attention on me for close to 3 hours?Hell no!Then to make things worse I was the token black man there add to that my foreigness.I know being the token black man is an inevitabilty esp in grad school (post material for another day) but as long as it is a mid-size to large class I don't mind.
Add to the fact that contrary to what most ladies say about men is that I multi-task and in fact thrive on it.If you want me to do one thing only and concentrate on you, you have 45 minutes to take your best shot after that all bets are off and you have to fight other contenders ranging from the back of my hand to the copy of New York Times that I carry to my lectures or the occasional power nap.Some of my best work is done when doing other things in the background and when I want to remember important things I simply think about other things.So the conference style seating was not going to work for me, a man has to be able to attend to his own devices without fearing a withering stare from the proffesor.
Add to this the fact that the proffessor said that it would be a discussion class, if it were a teaching class I would have agreed but discussion class with the compostion of this class?I think not!I mean the other three were 2 white women and one white man all full term Georgia residents.That level of homogeneity in the demographic does not provide for a wide vista of opinions at all.This opinion was vindicated when they started cackling at the break like they were at a PTA meeting or neighbourhood bbq.I would rather fade out inconspicously in a large class then stand out conspicously with no escape route.
Also the professor would not shut up!If you have read my blog you would think that I suffer from extreme verbophobia and would rather live in silence.That is not the case I have sat through long and tortuous lectures but this woman in my opinion was doing more talking then teaching, a few anecdotes are welcome but I dont much care about tales of the lives of your grandchildren and you relating them to this course in some obscure way; three anecedotes are more then enough.
Last but not least, never patronise the Acolyte.She tells us how we will have to be doing chapter and article reviews then turns to me with a smile and saccharine dripping from her voice "Acolyte, do you think that you can handle that?"Even if I am an international student, she knew that it was my second sem of grad school and if I could make the grade that should have said enough,secondly I doubt that her wide assed narrow minded ass would know that the standards that I was subjected to as an 8-4-4 product are far higher then those that students here are subjected to and lastly I don't take kindly to those nursery school tones.She was damn lucky The Instigator was out of town, If you are going to insult me you might as well scowl,frown or do it with a straight face because I will still dislike you anyhow.
On the plus side I got another class with the prof who gave me and A last time and the class is much larger then last time so I got to read my New York Times,take a short nap alongside taking my notes and for once just listen without being asked to make an opinion.
Back to life as normal in Aco land!

Back to school

Nights spent in different clubs and lounges in and around ATL -$200

Buying enough food and assorted groceries to enable me to go into a 2 month hermitage -$100

MP3 player with capacity for several thousand songs -$200

Winter coat,various jackets,1 sweater,2 pairs of jeans,1 pair of shoes,1 airbed and a christmas gift for my mum - still doing the math

Thinking you had an extra couple of hundred extra dollars in your account only to realise that the leasing office took their time to cash your Jan rent check - a couple of hundred $$$

Finding out coz of unplanned spending I am $200 in arrears to the school for my fees......

PRICELESS!!!!!!!!

Anyway got back to school fine.Have a new room mate, seems like a nice chap as long as he doesnt eat my food!I knew my schedule was back when I saw the jogger!He's the dude I used see everyday on my way to work.

My mum left today.I wished her a good journey.Before I left to come here she talked to us as a family and said how it was good for her to see us all together.She talked about making a will since unlike most Africans she knows she is not immortal and will have to die someday.I think that is what broke my big sis and from the 411 she talked to my mum till 3am today morning.I think she decided to make up for not talking to her for the 2 months she was here.So for those of you who put it in prayer...Thanks!
Now back to pretending to work..........