Monday Moanings Part IX

I think alongside the annual state of prostitution in Kenya article, the "life is hard abroad" article is also making an at least annual appearance in Kenyan media. This time round The Standard took a shot at telling people the hard reality of life in the States. But the sad thing is that as the article prophesied is that people never ever listen, the saddest/funniest ones are the ones who throw bashes and sell their stuff before they go to the Embassy. I once knew some two sisters who thought the sun revolved around them, they loudly announced they were going to the States and even threw a ginormus bash before going to the Embassy. Needless to say they were both denied and came back with their tales between their legs, I think they opted for a country with less stringent visa regulations but it was a lesson to all of us.

In an ideal world Kenyans shouldn't have to use the States as an escape from the harsh realities of our present existence but what to do? Life is hard for Americans too, but the people who piss me off are the ones who go back home on vacation and make it look like they shop on Rodeo Drive and live in High Rise Condominiums. I say keep it real, if you have to stand on your feet for 8 hours in Walmart then be honest about it, instead of creating false dreams for others. But this isn't to say that it isn't possible to make it in the States, it can be done but it is often a long hard and lonely road.

Anyway moving onto less depressing topics but still depressing. I am sick and tired of hearing and seeing Britney Spears on every other channel on cable. Yes she is going to her trailer park roots and slowly self destructing, but enough already. Like a cat that has been hit by a car, let's let her drag herself into the bushes and expire with some dignity. Damn celebrity obsessed country!

I don't know if you are all aware of this but do you know that VH1, MTV and BET are all owned by VIACOM, not to forget they also own Comedy Central. I think it is pathetic that one company can have so much power over the direction that music takes. They are a perfect example of capitalism being allowed to run amok. It is no surprise that BET's pathetic offerings went from bad to worse when VIACOM took over. Call me a hater but the less small independant media houses we have the less choice viewers and listeners have, I mean unless you have the expanded MTV on Cable when was the last time you saw more than 10 music videos in a row on MTV instead of all the tepid reality TV shows they give us? Another fantastic reason not to have cable..........

I have been reading the last few issues of Nation's Buzz Magazine and it seems that the mark of having made it as a model is getting a white boyfriend/ girlfriend. Kenyans never cease to amaze me, but I guess it is a symbiotic relationship on both sides, the models get to enjoy the nicer things in life that the white folks money can buy while the white folks who probably weren't hot numbers back home now get to have some of the hottest bods for themselves.

Next weekend I have decided that I am going to visit one of the Kenyan churches that are near where I live. I was supposed to go to one this weekend but I decided to sleep in and gave it a miss, and I have no excuse at all because it was an afternoon service. Trying to connect with people by going to the club is a waste of time, so let's see if going during the day helps granted half of the people in the club might be there but what the heck! That reminds me, I caught up with one of my old uni mates recently, the dude is all the way in Chi-town and when he heard that I live in the ATL area he was quick to tell me that he was going to come and stay with me over Thanksgiving. Kenyans have some gall I tell you, they can buy air-tickets for hundreds of dollars, rent cars, buy new outfits, spend hundreds on booze and entrance to events but they would rather pile up 10 people in an apartment instead of paying around $50 per night for a motel. Cheap bastards! Just wait till November comes, the Acolyte is going AWOL!

Ps: If there are any of you that have blogs on or supported by the Wordpress engine for some reason or other I can't comment on those blogs at all. So don't think I dont read your blog, I do comment and nothing at all appears on the other side, I think the god of Wordpress hates me. Oh well, have a good week people....

U.C.L.A and other things........

I took Monday to Wednesday off work and it was paradise I tell you! Not having to get up early, get clothes ready, fight with traffic and deal with idiots at work. It reminded me of the good old days of bum squad. What is bum squad aka U.C.L.A? Bum Squad and U.C.L.A (United College of Lounging Africa) are colloquial terms for when you finished High School or College and have nothing to do but become a piece of furniture at home.

I remember those days clearly. Those were the days when I knew the line up for Cartoon Network off head. I also recall listening to all the FM morning shows and knowing which ones rocked and which ones sucked big time. During this point in time I also built up a steady network with my fellow Bum Squad members, I would meet them chilling outside the Estate at the designated jobless corner where they would tell each other tall tales, share veve, talk to the touts and harass girls passing by. But there were also the Bum Squad members who spent more time indoors and those were more of my crew, it also didn't help that we all had dvd players and playstation 2s, so alot of stuff changed hands even though at times there was always a bastard who would get careless and lose something.

The other thing I admired about Bum Squad is the unity that most of us had. We could all be verging on brokeness but come Saturday night money would be found to fuel the car and buy cheap pints and the local or venture out if the hustling went well. I recall that was also the time when I was growing my own local imitation on an Osama goatee. The Bum Squad also served as a good information network, when people are hanging out they manage to see and hear alot, and it was amazing what tidbits would fall your way ie which estate chic is the easiest to sleep with.

But as the fates would have it, I gained paid employment so my days with the Bum Squad ended. My life moved on as I moved from job to job and eventually here. The ironic thing is that there was this dude I left on the Bum Squad who was older than me and I hear he is still there representing, I guess some people live and die Bum Squad? Please feel free to share your Bum Squad tales!

In other news, all I can say is that this mama must have had some killer boobies to earn such treatment.

If divorce can lead to me having to take loans, then let me stay single is what I say!

Oh and before I leave, I have this wonderful widget thingie that I put on my blog that lets me know what pages got people to me. And it is amazing what some people think I have on my blog!
No, I don't have Kenyan porn, naked pictures of Nini Wacera, the Lilianne Muli sex tape, Kenyan strippers or teach you the meaning of Dini Ya Msambwa on my blog! I love Google but at times you do me so wrong!

Nice Weekend All..................

More Monday Moanings

It's been a minute since I posted, like I said when ennui strikes; it strikes hard!


Reason #2138 - Why Acolyte will go to Hell

At work there is this chic who has a close to fanatical commitment to the job. You know the kind of person who actually spouts for you the crap they put in the training manual to make you feel like the job you are doing makes the sun rise and help stop global warming as oppossed to making the Members of the Board richer as you rot in your cubicle.
Anyway some day this chic came to the cube of someone I know and asked him to train someone new and they said no, she then went of on a spiel about how he was one of the leaders of tomorrow and should show the new dudes how it's done so as to make the difference for the company. So he told me this and one thing that got me to wondering about her super commitment to the company is when I found out her age, you see she is 36 so moving somewhere new and trying to make a mark the same way she has where she is now is much harder. We came to that conclusion and I ended the conversation with this quote, " I understand her staying here and making her mark and not wanting to go anywhere else; after all you can't teach an old bitch new tricks..."


Moving on, I went for an interview the other day and I remembered one important thing. It's not what you know but how you say it. The last time I fibbed so convincingly and smoothly, a pair of panties and a bra were taken off. But seriously many interviewers especially here at times will actually put a candidate they feel more of a connection to than one who is more qualified.

Unless you live in a hole I'm sure most of you are aware that there has been a much hyped chart war between Kanye West and 50 Cent. The battle was over who would sell the most units and at the moment Kanye West is in the lead. To be honest, I did listen to both albums and they are both nothing to write home about. But I guess the "beef" did what it was meant to do, sell more cds. I was on-line when I came across this funny video featuring Kanye West making fun of his tantrums whenever he doesn't win an award.
PS: I know there is a post that I owe people, so that one's coming soon.
PPS: When you are "courting" or "buttering up" or whatever you call it when a dude is trying to get to know a woman better with the end result being a relationship or a
semblance of eventually culminating in adult relations (wink, wink); how many women
would be too many unethically for a dude to be talking to at the same time? Just curious.....

Moaninho, Must Know or Malice and Mushrooms....

In Breaking News, The Special One has left Stamford Bridge! For non soccer fans, Jose Mourinho has left (been sacked) as Chelsea's manager after a lack lustre start to the season that has led to poor attendance of games. Is this the beginning of the end for the Billion dollar team? Grant? Who the hell is he? What say you Chelski fans out there, Archer, Farmgal, anyone?

Anyway moving onto more serious matters. One day a few months back when Acolyte was at his hey day and the talk of the blogosphere (Kenyan at least) he received an interesting e-mail from someone who wanted him to post something on his blog.

This individual had an issue of national importance regarding a former high ranking civil servant who was presently sitting on one of the many useless inquiries in Kenya. He had sent his story to several media outlets with no action whatsoever. It seems that the daughter of this former civil servant after being flown out to the UK by her father had turned to a life of prostitution and even moved down to Australia where she continued the trade under the guise of working as a masseuse. The dude even went on to catalogue the number of men he says she told him she had slept with. The sheer zeal with which he was hounding me to post the story made me think twice especially when he copy pasted me what he had sent the Kenyan police and ODM (Joe's favourite political party).

I did do my own research and it seemed that the girl in question was quite a looker, what made her opt for the second oldest trade in the world (toolmaking is the oldest), I don't know. According to my snitch, he thought that the civil servant had no business sitting on a commission because his daughters actions could be used to compromise him. It is when he revealed that he once lent her money and he got it back but after a bit of a struggle since she was "quite a bit of work" as he put it and to add icing on the cake they were f*ck buddies. That is what put it in between must know and malice territory.

You see in Kenya we don't live like we do in the West, we know our leaders are tainted but we take them as we are. I'm sure we are all aware of a former Vice President's wife's dalliances that resulted in her giving birth to a mixed race child and him fainting in the hospital, the industrial/media mogul who is known to bed young girls and men occasionally, the female MP who is prim and proper in public but has the morals of an alley cat. Most of our leaders are as clean as a whore's panties at the end of the month so that extra piece of information wouldn't have been of any use as compared to financial statements that show how much money the former civil servant stole from the government. Or what say you purveyors of truth out there, was this must know or malicious information? Anyway I have a 3 day weekend so comment away!

Quote Of The Day
Birmingham chairman David Gold claims Premier League fans are being treated like "mushrooms" by greedy chairmen. He believes they are "kept in the dark and fed manure". (The Sun)

Tuesday Tirades......................

I was reading the news under my blogger dashboard when I came across this. Yes I'm boring like that, I actually do read some of those articles and news, geek focussed as it is. But the slide show does make for fun viewing when you are bored.

Is it poor advertising or the fact that nobody in the world cares that the Women's World Cup is on? Over the years women have complained that their sports are given no support whatsoever, but when they are given a platform to perform on the support they give each other is negligible. On the other hand I guess since women in general aren't large fans of support I shouldn't be surprised, look at the WNBA, they play to half empty stadiums and it bleeds money from every orifice.

Today evening after work, I go to the parking garage and walk into my car. I sigh with relief, turn the key in the ignition, everything turns on but the car; I try again and I get the same result. Just a click, nothing else. I had to call my brother and ask him to pick me up and give me a ride home. From the symptoms I guess my alternator is shot, if it's anything else then there goes my next paycheck. That's why I miss Kenya, if your car acts up, you take a matatu and that's that. Here it is a whole 'nother ball game, tow trucks, jalopies breaking down and garages robbing you blind, urgh!

I have the feeling that I will end up working half day tomorrow, there goes one more of my sick days. Here is the ironic thing, as a joke we went to see fortune tellers with my sis and bro, the lady who told me my fortune asked me if I was thinking of fixing my car. I said no, seems she was one day ahead of schedule!

Here's to matatus and other cheap forms of transportation!
Ps: I'm too tired now but I do need to blog about an incident we all encounter, meeting someone and everything going spectacularly until this person does/has a big deal breaker for you in terms of what you dont like in a partner. Anyway that is a post for another day.......