Monday Moanings Part XIII

Yeah yeah I know I have been MIA for a minute now. No excuses other than my life has gotten into a very predictable routine. Thanksgiving has come and gone, I have been off work since Wed afternoon so getting back into the grind is going to be difficult to say the least!

There were loads and loads of bashes that went on this Thanksgiving. I don't know how many of you came down to ATL for the bashes. I would like to get an honest opinion, which bashes were better? The Takeover DJs or 2kat? As regards this issue I am split, I vote for Takeover DJs in terms of music but when it comes to venues 2kat comes out on top. When it comes to crowds, 2kat has a more mature but yet "snobbish"; what do I mean? Well with a 2kat bash when you walk in, it's like you've checked into the local; everyone seems to know each other and you feel like a visitor. Takeover DJs on the other hand seems to have a more diverse crowd, so it's a bit easier to mingle with the crowd. I got to watch Hardstone do a surprise performance during one of the Takeover DJ bashes and that was a nice blast from the past, the only beef that I had is that on Friday night I think that the Bamboo or whoever it was who was to perform must have done their thing after 4 am because I left at 4 am and he hadn't performed. But at least on Saturday they planned well because Jua Cali performed by 2 am, I have to give him marks for the energy he has and his ability to work the crowd but I wasn't too thrilled with the use of playback tracks and such but I do know it would have been a stretch for him to get a live band and practice with them so that's cool. I did get some video via my cell phone, nothing to write home about though so I think I need to invest in a camcorder pretty soon. The next big thing is Miami for the New Year but I think I'll give that a pass, I'll do L.A Sevens instead. Back to real life now I guess.

I was reading this article in the Herald Tribune about the roots of the 35 hour work week in France and how it's proposed abolishment is causing a lot of drama in France. I now work a 35 hour work week and I must say it is heavenly. It is amazing how much more relaxed you are when you have 5 extra hours to yourself every week. I do know the French issue extends far past 5 hours a week but I do think that America needs to consider experimenting with a 35 hour work week, here most people are over worked, under paid and stressed to the core!

In other news I need some advice. Currently I'm living with my immediate fam (it always makes for fun and games) but our lease is expiring next year and it highly looks likely that everyone is going their own way. Which is good for me because I have been yearning to get a place I can call my own. But now here is the clincher, to get a room mate or not to get a room mate? Both come with their own pros and cons, you see if you have a room mate the costs go down considerably esp rent because here they rob you blind when you get a one room apartment but on the other hand getting someone you can live with is a headache and it is hard for me because I've been in the ATL area for less than a year so I'm not in the mix with people as such, you see I'd rather move in with someone I know than a complete total stranger. What also makes it more interesting is choosing an Apartment complex isn't easy because some places here are either in bad areas, have horrible residents, too ghetto, too expensive and have pathetic service or a combination of any of those; if you don't believe me go visit Apartment ratings. Anyway let me know what you think, I still have time to plan.

Now back to the grind..........

Another Acolyte Tale

I came to the sad realization that it has been a minute since I told an Acolyte tale. After reading some cracking tales online I decided I have to share before the tale gets covered by the sands of time.

Long long ago, in a land far away. The Acolyte and his college cronies (or should I say henchmen?) used to enjoy this "wonderful" drink.



This firewater was a blessing in many ways to broke college students such as ourselves. Where as a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka the same size would only be good for 3 people like Jesus bread this bottle would cater to twice that number and cost 3 times less! Add to the fact that on a cold night it would slide down your throat like lava down a South American hill, live a virgin's leg your throat would at first be tight and want to close but on realizing the impending pleasure it would open gradually but surely.

Now to the disadvantages of this tempestuous love affair we had, you see first of all with the cane products the high was unpredictable. I once recall a friend of mine moving from discussing current affairs while enjoying a buzz to changing into a gibbering mess rambling about devil worshippers and the 20 shilling note. I am sure that many seasoned drinkers are also aware that cheap liqour more often than note reverses the laws of gravity, in that what goes down must go up! So what would happen is that after drinking 1/4 or more of a 750 ml it was inevitable that once in a while the cane would clash with whatever was in your stomach and proceed to empty the premises, so there would be only one exit; the mouth (at least in most cases). But there would be one problem, as the contents of the stomach would move up they would reach somewhere around the solar plexus area and decide, "No! We are not leaving!"
and turn back. As a result I once recall being held up as we waited for almost 10 minutes as a pal heaved noxious cane fumes, when he finally managed to regurgitate a baby's hand worth of puke; he was hoisted on the mob's shoulders as if he had won the Nairobi Marathon.
There were also the hangovers that made you feel like a truck had ran over and in your head, your tongue was made of sand paper and every noise felt like nails on a chalk board but there was one thing that made me divorce the drink once and for all.........

The memory loss!!!!!! Yes that was the worst part, Safari Cane taught me how to empathize with people who were kidnapped by UFOs. I too now know how it feels to wake up in your bed, aching and bruising with no idea how you got there in addition to having lost a chunk of time. The incident that made me go cold turkey was an interesting one.

You see one weekend my Uncle was home for Summer (yes the infamous Summer Bunnies of way back when) so we were with some pals and he decided to treat us, and the idiots that we were with my pals instead of asking for the expensive good stuff we decided to opt for our usual poison. So we drank a total of two bottles in between 6 people and off to Electric Avenue aka Westlands. I recall functioning perfectly for the first half of the night and I even recall at one point in the night a pal came and told me how a pal of his had thrown up on his shirt so in my Safari influenced stupor I literally gave him the shirt off my back, so the Acolyte was left wearing a Chicago White Sox jacket with nothing on the inside but when you have Safari in you, you don't feel the cold.
My last memory was later leaving the bar and finding two dudes I knew squaring off to fight, I recall walking in between both parties and beseeching them not to fight. My next memory was getting up in bed just fine with no bruises whatsoever but with the usual killer hangover.

I knew something was amiss when I was talking to my Uncle the next day and he was like, " I see someone has been playing Streetfighter," and walked away laughing. I didn't even know what he was talking about and dismissed him. Later on in the day I was walking in the neighbourhood and this dude whom I didn't talk to much comes up to me and says, " Jamaa you are harsh, I saw how you wekad those 2 dudes!" I was still in denial and shrugged off his misplaced admiration, but like the Biblical Peter the cock crowed when my small sis came home and told me, " I met a pal of mine who said you know how to kick ass!"

After that day as my pal's happily destroyed their livers and their brains, I opted for Beer or soda.
Lesson of The Day? - Cheap liquor destroys short term memory and.....damn I forgot!

Monday Moanings Part XII

Yesterday I was in what I like to call ICU, no there is nothing wrong with me nor have I been in an accident. But I was in one of those conditions where the only thing I'm good for is laying in my bed like an ICU patient. You see I decided to go shopping for gyms last week, so in American fashion before telling you how much they are going to ass rape you for 24-36 months they ask you to come in for a free session. With the first gym I went to on Friday evening, just after I get changed I was told that I would be charged a $20 equipment fee for that class but if I decided to enrol that would go to my enrollment fee. Needless to say I wasn't pleased, plus even though they had nice stuff the gym itself wasnt much to write home about. So after the 2 hour session ( during which I found out how unfit I was ) the dude breaks out the cost for me and needless to say I smiled told him I would think about it and didn't look back, because this place isn't like Kenya; everyone wants to lock you down for 2 years at least.
So the next day I had signed up for a session at another gym (one that I had postponed twice in a row), this place is one of those franchises so their facilities were top notch. I did my free session (which rocked) and when it came to the costs, you know how people are here. They don't tell you up front, they try and butter you up by telling all the wonderful things their gym has and all that kinda ish. So I ask the dude to hit me with it, and he has two plans, one for 24 months and the other for 36 months. So as it goes with the 36 month plan is like $10 per month cheaper but I wasn't having none of that. You see other than my cell phone contract, I only sign up for one year contracts; nutting else! So I ask him if there is a one year contract available which is also cheaper per month, he tells me yes but only for students. Well guess what? Since the Acolyte always walks around with his student I.D, he's a student! So I signed up my soul for one year and one year only.
Anyway back to ICU by Saturday afternoon my legs were feeling like they were made of rubber and the rest of me was really run down but guess what, the rest of the fam wanted to hang out so they decided we go for an Ice Hockey game. Yes an Ice Hockey game, I think it was the curiosity and the cheap tickets that motivated them. Ice Hockey games aren't all that interesting, yes there is the fast pace of the game and the slamming of players into the walls but other than that I dont see much else to go back to see a game for. Oh and I did learn that all the Georgia teams suck because the ice hockey team lost the game.
Anyway word of the day is that if you haven't been to the gym for sometime, please don't go 2 days in a row!

Wahu decided to release the third (maybe 4th) track from her constantly upcoming album (okay for real I dont even think she has an album coming despite what she says). I know this is going to make some of you mad but after listening to her new track, I felt like someone had taken a large dump in my ears. The song was rubbish, no progress at all from her last track and instantly forgettable. Why some people bother going to the studio I don't even know.

I have also realized that some local Kenyan personalities have their stans. Do you know I still get comments on this post, many of them telling me to leave Lillian Muli alone same case with the latest post about Kaz and her pics. Damn ya'll are cracking me up, do you all have posters and newspaper cut outs of her plastered all over your walls?

Stans aside, this comment below from one of my favorite Liverpool FC fan sites made my day. It's amazing how the dude wove a life event round a game......

"Rotation Rotation Rotation. Rafa cant win. some people are still bitching and whinging that the same team that beat besiktas shouldnt have started against fulham. “why didnt kewell start” “why wasnt riise benched”, blah blah blah! I think some people just like to argue no matter what happens.

i really dont see a massive problem with rotation. Bringing players on as subsititutes is a form of rotation. the same 11 players dont finish the games that started the game when a sub is bought on. the same 3 substitutes are rarely bought on every game, so why isnt that considered rotation???

i thought game was descent. one word descibes it for me, Clinical. we never really got out of second gear and we never really needed too. i think the game plan was the same as the blackburn match, but this time we had abit of luck on our side and didnt have freidel pulling saving out of his arse..although having said that, niemi came up with a good few saves.

ive been thinking for a while and decided on saturday that i was going to break up with my girlfriend on sunday or monday, but as we got into bed last night at about 4am (saturday night/sunday morning)after a boozy night, she asked me “do you still want to be with me”…i suddenly thought that the liverpool game was about to kick off and seeming as i was gonna do it anyway, i might as well do it now and then catch the game. so i told her i didnt think things between us were working anymore, and off i staggered home to watch my one true love, Liverpool FC. I feel like a right prick for doing that, but as i say, at least i got to catch the game. this is the 2nd LFC related breakup ive had over the years.

anyways, im off for a kip. been a long night."

Otherwise I think I have said more than enough today. Happy Monday people!

Jokes, Jugs and Other Things.........

I've never been so happy to have a week come to an end. This has been an interesting week to say the least. First things first,there have been this nude pics issue which I am going to post on in more detail further.

Anyway I also came to the realization once again that I have a somewhat geeky sense of humor; why do I say this? Well there is this popular site that I love to visit for the off-kilter humor that hadn't been updated for a while. So when the owner finally updated it, the bandwidth demand was enormous, one of the main reasons being Digg. As a result the page was loading slower than usual, so he posted this on the home page;

"Some pages may be loading slow today, site is experiencing Digg rape"

That line busted me up and I was laughing half the day. I shared it with a few people and they didn't understand the joke till I had to explain to them the whole concept of digg, page popularity and bandwidth. Nothing kills a joke like when you have to explain it from the ground up!

As I had said in my last post, this whole nude pics issue is leading to a mini-resurrection of many Kenyan forums. One forum had 30 something pages of people's e-mail addresses (I say we harvest them and sell them to spammers!) Is there anything wrong with taking nude pics? I say no! In fact I highly approve of them, (no not because of that you smut peddlers!) this is because for years Kenyan women have suffered under the crushing grip of the Kenyan patriarchy that for many generations has decided what women will wear, do and the roles they will play in society. But here are some women who decided to shrug off that crushing yoke and fight back with the one weapon they have at their disposal, their bodies! History will remember these women and so will many generations of future Kenyan women. I am at the forefront of this protest giving moral support and I will spread their work whenever I can! All that being said; this is another comment on one of those Kenyan forums that made my day;

Whoever has started this thread should be ashamed of themselves.

If you have distributed, solicited and received these pictures you are completely immoral, uncouth, shameless and totally silly.

How can such pictures even cause the resurrection of some members who have never been heard of for years?

Isn't this a good example of moral bankruptcy among the so called "leaders of tommorrow"?

You are all ghasia kabisa, takataka na mavi za kuku!!!

Having said that could you please send me the pictures, my email is xxxxxx@yahoo.com.


Last week I had one of those "God please let the ground open up and swallow me" days. You see at work there was this Kenyan chic who loves the job, she used to go on about it like it was the best job ever, you know those people who spout the company lines and such with fervour and enthusiasm? Yes that was her, it also didn't hurt that she also used to meet her goals and targets. I had nothing against her but I hated the company, so her fervour used to make my blood boil; so in the privacy of my own apartment I used to say nasty things about her once in a while to my small brother but at work I wouldn't say jack. So one day while I was seated at my desk, the chic came and said hi, we chatted a bit in swahili; she asked me what I thought of the job and all. Of course I was very diplomatic at this point and then she told me that she was going home in December for vacation, so if I wanted anything taken home she would do so for me; she then went on to give me her number and her e-mail address. Needless to say I wallowed in shame for the next few hours, that's the last time I'm talking smack about someone before I meet them and get to know them!


Reason #2145 Why Acolyte Is Going To Hell



Any other captions are welcome!


Anyway, have a good weekend people; I have an appointment to be cleaned out by my mechanic; please send all donations to my local Western Union Branch.......

Monday Moanings Part XI

Word on the net is that pictures of self styled Kenyan Diva Kaz are floating around the internet. No I have not seen them (a forward would be appreciated though) but I do hear they were tasteful pics (someone posted them online, holla at me for the link) she said they taken by someone she trusted or rather in her own words "loved" and for some reason or other chose to spray them all over the internet. I'm all for self expression and all that other good stuff but I wonder at times how come women let scandalous pics be taken of them in the first place and even worse to let other parties keep those pictures? I mean unless you also have explicit pics of your boyfriend what assurance do you have that if things go wrong that he won't share them with the rest of the world? Hmmmmmmm a thought just came to me, what if Kaz did this as a publicity stunt to keep her name in the lime light? The pics were being discussed on a popular Kenyan forum and I have never seen so many requests for a forward, the dude who cracked me up was the one who said, " please forward me those pics, they are for a school project." The other peeps who cracked me up are the ones who had this exchange on the same thread

Chic - I'm suspecting another guy in the office took those pics. Our wall is green and that wall is very green...
Dude - That's a bed in the "office"... Kwani you work in a brothel? If so whats the location?

Talk about 10-0. What was I trying to say? That's what I get for trying to blog while drinking a beer. Piece some meaning or useful lesson from that paragraph for me.

I was reading Mocha's blog the other day and she took issue with some commenter who took issue with her "dislike" of Nonini. So in the comments section someone posted this article by someone else who was taking issue with Kenyan music as a whole. Harsh as the article was I do agree with most of the author's points, the most ironic thing is that this dude is a pal of mine; we used to work together. Talk about an interesting way to run into people from way back when. On a bunny trail, I watched a music video of a song by Circuite (of Manyake fame), someone needs to take away his studio access: his videos suck and his music sucks even more!

And in closing, a long time ago the Acolyte used to watch WWF (not WWE) wrestling. Of course I knew wrestling was the last thing that was going on; just laughably bad scripting, steroid pumped wrestlers and silicone enhanced women. Anyway in the segment below Stone Cold Steve Austin and Booker T decide to go at it in a supermarket. If you aren't a wrestling fan don't bother watching the whole thing; the best part of it for me was mins 6:04 - 6:38. And people please don't try that at home or at your local supermarket! Nice Week people.........