Tiger In The Woods and other stories....

I'm sure unless you live in a hole you have seen that the internets are on fire with the drama that is Tiger Wood's life. It all started with a suspicious accident in his upscale neighbourhood that seemed to have shaken more than some leaves off a tree because a few days later the women began to creep out of the woodwork. Why the big deal about all the different women? It's due to the uber private life he led previously and squeeky clean image he had been keeping; I mean if it were someone else ie Charles Barkley, the media wouldn't have shifted a lens.

Where Tiger went wrong was with his silence. The longer you keep quiet the more the rumours swirl and the worse it looks for you, he should have learned from people like David Letterman and Hugh Grant who were quick to admit their wrongs, apologize and keep it moving. But what was Tiger's number 1 problem? He went about his extra curricular activities the wrong way. Disclaimer: I in no way shape or form condone infidelity during marriage. The information given below is for research purposes only.

1. If you are going to get a mistress; trade up! - One look at Tiger's wall of shame and none of the girls other than maybe the club hostess, Rachel can hold a torch to his wife. For the potential trouble you are looking out for stepping out, at least make sure it is worth it. But on the other hand, Tiger Woods is known for being awkward socially, he actually had someone reach out to his wife to ask her on a date when they first met instead of doing it himself! So with that lack of game, it seems that he went with women where the statement,"do you know who I am?" was enough to get things started.

2. Leave behind as little evidence as possible! - I know for a public figure like Tiger Woods this is a bit harder but according to media reports what set things off was text messages on his phone, that and the leaked voicemails. Dude, this is where you either get a prepaid phone that never goes home with you, plus you never leave voicemails. Since the phone isn't registered under your name even if the texts get out, that leaves you with some wiggle room when it comes to deniability.

3. One at a time! - It's hard enough to manage two women (one wife and a mistress), so throwing in all these other women into the mix even if they are one offs is asking for trouble. What's worse is that he was seeing these women on regular occasions. If you are juggling all those balls, you are bound to drop some.

4.Escorts - The difference between an escort and a regular chic is that escorts get paid extra to shut up and leave. It is usually in their best interest to do so unless they are busted which is another story. Yes that route doesn't appeal to most men but if you have as much to lose as Tiger does, it's a good alternative. Many stars and leaders go that route, Elliot Spitzer anyone?

5. Clarify The Situation - Latest reports from one of the mistresses have her saying how Tiger said he would leave his wife for her and such. The chances of that ever happening were one in a million, Tiger's clean image was his brand and I'm sure he wasn't in a rush to jeopardize that (before the blow up). Had he let this chic know her place as a side chic and maybe even let her know that she wasn't the only side chic, I think there wouldnt be the rush to expose as there is now. Many of these chics are rushing to the media as they didn't know they were not alone so are trying to reap as much fame as they can as possible.

Anyway that's a whole lot of shoulda woulda coulda, what's done is done; let's sit back and enjoy the show.

One last open question to all which you can answer in the comments, I was talking to some female relatives about relationships and they are of the opinion that married men should not have single male friends. Their point of view is that they do not have the same goals and further more that singles can lead the married men astray. I countered that unlike women men do not base their friendships on the relationships in their lives but on shared interests, I can have the same sports, hobbies, financial goals as a married man and wouldn't mind spending time together sharing them. That is why it is hard for men to bond if they dont have a shared activity to bond over as we just don't sit and talk the same way women do. Also I know plenty of no good married men who lead their married friends astray. What do you think ladies, single friends any good for married men? Time to return to regular life, hasta manyana!

Takeover DJs Thanksgiving Fail

The Thanksgiving Holiday is a big occasion in the Kenyan diaspora in the States. Kenyans usually gather in Atlanta for the 4 days for various events usually clubbing events but of course other groups do choose to tour the city on their own. Over different years the events have been run by one or more groups ranging from Kenyaniyetu, 2kat and other now defunct groups whose names I can't recall.

Anyway this year's events were being run by the TakeoverDJs, they have been in the business for a few years now and don't limit themselves to any one state. So this year due to the recession and prior commitments, I wasn't able to attend all the events but after watching the trailer for Wamba, the screening was a must to attend.

That Saturday evening of the screening, I was on my utmost Western time. I got free parking in front of the venue and strolled into the lobby. I had paid for my ticket online so all I had to do was pick it up (and save on box office fees). The crowd that showed up was moderate in size and pretty well dressed since the venue was at a Museum. They had a photographer who was taking pictures on the "red carpet" while people milled around and mingled. At that point I then thought the movie would then start at 7 pm. Come 7pm the theater doors had not been opened and the main organizer DJ Fully Focus and the rest of his crew were pacing in and out of the theater looking a bit harried. At this point in time people were getting slightly restless but were still in good spirits even though the lobby was not meant to accommodate so many people so quite a few people had to stand, 7.30 pm arrived and the Director introduced himself and said that there were "technical problems" and they were working to rectify them. At that point quite a few people went to the box office and got their refunds and left. Those who were left waited and then at around 8.30 pm the Director and DJ Fully Focus announced that due to some snafu or other they couldn't show the movie and that people could get their refunds from the box office and those who paid online would be refunded in 24 hours time, the Director did say though that he had a director's cut of the movie that he would show.

I did stay and watch the director's cut which was not the whole movie but around 1 hour's worth. The movie is most definitely worth watching and I shall be sure to try and get hold of the finished product. But in terms of organization, Takeover DJs get a big FAIL in that area. Call me harsh but this was not an event that was done on the fly but that had been planned for months, to add insult to injury people had to wait almost 2 hours (what would have been the screening time) to be told about "technical problems". The whole issue just resulted in alot of time being wasted and loss of face for the organizers; the only silver lining is that refunds are to be issued (failing which I can dispute the charges with my credit card company).

With that being swept aside, I need to comment on Kenyan events in Atlanta. Slowly over time, the number of groups holding events has dwindled. Part of it is of course due to the recession but another reason is that Kenyans are choosing instead to go to regular clubs, bars or just hold house parties. From my observations and discussions with a few Kenyans is that part of the reason is that too many of these groups became money hungry. Case in point cover charge, when you go to any regular club out here entrance is usually free upto 11pm or midnight depending on the club but when it comes to Kenyan bashes hosted by these groups you will pay cover charge irregardless of how early you come in (I do recall one bash by 2kat sometime back where it was free before 11pm but that was the exception rather than the rule). The same also applies to how late it gets, quite a few clubs stop manning the door at around 2 am or later; this doesn't apply for the Kenyan bashes. I do know that renting a venue is expensive but what some promoters do instead of depending on the cover charge to make money is that they split the cover charge with the venue owners and instead cut a deal where they make money from the drinks sold, given the amount of liquor Kenyans drink; that is a better route. There are ways to make money in the entertainment business while at the same time charging revelers less, other groups are doing it and I think the Kenyan targeting ones should do the same or at the end of the day people will vote with their feet.

Anyway at this point in time I am waiting for the usual barbs about how I am not supporting Kenyans, or how if I can do better I should do so myself among the usual comebacks you get for criticizing your own people. As long as the issue at hand involves my hard earned money, be sure that I am going to speak. Have a nice week people!

Boldly Going.......

I was going into unknown territory that day and I had to be prepared. I quickly drafted a quick itinerary of my trip and left it somewhere that family members could find in case I went missing, I made sure I could run in the shoes I was wearing, and packed some snacks and water (couldn't take the risk of being drugged or worse). I gave myself the once over and made sure that what I was wearing was enough for me not to stand out but at the same time not to fit in. I did not know what I was going to encounter so I had to be 100% aware.

What unknown territory was Acolyte stepping into? Acolyte had decided to be see what goes on at Gay Pride Atlanta Parade.

The parade was held on a Sunday afternoon, and in true African fashion I got there over half an hour late so by the time I got there a good number of floats and processions had gone by. The crowd was very diverse, all colors and genders were represented, and there is no standard gay look; alot of gay people go against given stereotypes and look and act like everyday straight people. The different groups and floats were also interesting, you see the parade was held a few weeks before council and mayoral elections so some of the candidates did roll by with their gay friends, there was even one openly gay candidate who ran for mayor but did not make it to the final run off. Some religous organizations were represented ie the episcopal church, smaller pro gay churches, I also recall seeing some regional groups ie South Asian Gays. There were some amusing floats such as the Lesbian manned multiple orgasm mobile (stereotypically pink in color) and another truck that had some buff boys in white underwear covered in soap suds and blowing bubbles to the crowd, oh and they were blaring techno music (if love for dance music/techno made one gay then I would be one by association). The Atlanta Police had one of their own as Grand Marshall despite a contentious raid of a gay bar a few weeks back that raised the hackles of the local lgbt community. Plus of course different mainstream social organizations like the Atlanta Rollergirls (I need to go see one of their matches soon).

I left the parade and ventured into the nearby park which since it was in a gay friendly neighborhood is often the venue of what I would say illicit activities that have resulted in cameras being installed there. The park itself is beautiful and rather large, there were different companies exhibiting their products and services in addition to showing how tolerant they are (in America most Fortune 500 companies court the gay dollar as many gay households have higher incomes due to no kids). There were also different lgbt social and awareness organisations out in force ie the bears club of atlanta, Atlanta Outworlders (lgbt sci-fi and fantasy fans) and others that I can't recall (note to self, carry note book!).

I did not get to view or partake in night time events like those seen (nsfw) here, here and here. My day time adventure was more than enough for me, those venues I shall leave for those who choose to explore them; if you do please blog and let us know.

On a more serious note, I did not see any anti-gay protesters there; I guess that would be like jumping into the lion's mouth given the sheer number of lgbt people and supporters that were there. My take on the whole gay marriage issue? I think alot of the problem stems from the fact that marriage was principally a religious institution which was also then turned into a legal union recognized and enforced by the law. In an ideal world we know that religion and the state should be separate, I think even Christ said something to that effect. So what happens when a group of people who decide to demand their rights to a legal union which the law (at that point and in certain states did not have a definite opinion as regards the gender of both parties)? Chaos, since the religious definition of marriage is between a man and a woman (at least in Christianity). So what's happening is that most people are looking at the gay marriage issue from a Christian view point where it's wrong while the gays see it as their legal secular right. What some states have done is gone ahead to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman (Prop 8 etc), while some states have given them the go ahead; which has made things tricky because you can be a legally married couple in one state but not in another state (there was a NY times article about that). My take on the issue is that marriage needs to be made a completely secular institution so if you want to marry a man, woman, transgender or your bicycle; you can go ahead and do so. But as long as we have the current situation, little progress will be made as each group will feel that their rights and beliefs are being violated. I think the law and the world are big enough to accommodate both sides, but as long as everyone tries to set the other side straight and to enforce tolerance and acceptance; it's going to be chaos for a long time to come. Now that all that is said and done, take your picket signs off my lawn; I'm going back to the land of Apathy. (I know there are meant to be paragraph breaks somewhere but its been a while since I blogged so mea culpa)

Oh and I know some of you are wondering, did I see any girl on girl action? I did but it took hours upon hours of hiding in the brush, you see when you have a full head of locs you fit in rather well with some bushes. Sadly though the two girls in question were not video vixen hot, nor did they beckon me from my hiding place to participate; damn those adult movies! Have a productive week!

Another Monday Is Here.....

Le sigh, Monday is here. I have never been fond of Mondays for obvious reasons. But sadly that is our lot as adults.

Moving on, I am sure most of you have heard of the "Balloon Boy" drama that went down a few days back. It just got me to think about how hungry some people are out here for fame by any means necessary. Sadly the only thing the parents have coming is a huge legal bill and potential criminal charges. It's sad that we have gotten to the level where people aren' t happy with the lives they have been given and feel that fame is the only thing that can add value to their lives. Anyway I'm not going to get preachy about this.

I read about a Kenyan gay couple in the UK that decided to tie the knot and the maelstrom that erupted both online and offline (for their families). It's been interesting to watch I must say. I have a post that I am working on related to on that issue as homosexuality is still a hot button issue with Kenyans both at home and in the diaspora. Reminds me of how a few years back during the Thanksgiving celebrations that go down in Atlanta 2 Kenyan chics were busted making out in a bathroom stall with one of them half naked, someone took cell phone pics that were floating somewhere online. One of the chics lived in Atlanta at the time and became a veritable hermit as a result (maybe a where they are now feature is in order?).

I was having a discussion with someone the other day about an issue related to diet and their rebuttal to some statistics I had to share was that alot of those studies were alarmist and did not apply to the situation at hand. Usually at this point in time when that comes up more often than not the discussion goes down the drain. This is due to the fact that many people are not that well versed in issues related to statistical inference. Not all studies are the gospel truth but on the other hand not all studies are rubbish (as many people believe), hence the importance to be able to look at a study and the accompanying statistics and infer if they are sound ie sample size, margin of error etc. Needless to say this is a tiring excercise for many people so what happens is that the usual response is, "those are alot of numbers and big words", and they carry on with whatever action or opinion they had before the discussion. Ah case in point, I remember having this chat with this chic about how a certain behavior elevates the probability of cancer, she retorted by saying "my Uncle has been doing it for years, and he is fine; I can only go by what I see." I almost asked her if her ancestors excommunicated Galileo for his heretical teachings but held my tongue. And that is why I have confined my conversations to issues like Jon & Kate plus 8, the latest Sports news and other chit chat. Gets off soap box.

Ladies this is a PSA for you from way back when.....

Well I have said enough, time for me to go and read some more studies.

Yet Another Monday.....

Once again here I am dusting off my blog, I have been too busy with work and moving into my new place. I think I have a nomadic streak in me since I only signed a 6 month lease and plan to move closer to where I was living before. My new neighborhood is pretty nice but sadly I must admit that I miss my old neighborhood, that and the fact that traffic here can get horrendous. Next time I plan to move I really must do a rush hour run to the place instead of doing weekend visits. Anyway 6 months will fly in record time and I'll be doing my next move, so I won't gripe.

I am going to ask the age old question, why is it so easy to attract people you don't want to be with but when you come across someone you like they don't come straight for you but you have to put in some work? Infuriating to say the least.

Other issues aside, I watched Transformers 2 the other day (yes I know I'm late but I had to wait for a good down cough cough load copy cough). I must admit that they did shift alot of money from the plot budget to the pyrotechnics and explosions budget. The movie could have ended in half the time were it not for all the filler, plus I may be in the minority but I find the accusations of racism as regards the ineffectual transformer twins a bit stretched. All in all it didn't compare to the first movie but was a good distraction, I'll wait to see what they do with the third one.

I have been catching up with Kenyan music and I must say there is alot of good stuff to be had. Even so I realised that I am missing some of my old music, is there anyone out there with the Muki Garang mix tape and also a copy of Ukoo Fulani Mau Mau's second cd that is willing to share? I promise I will find something to trade!

For those of you out here who own Sidekicks by T-mobile I must say pole sana after reading this. That's why I stick with my basic everyday cell phone, if I need internet/wi-fi I'll use the computer at work or at home. Does anyone remember the days when you actually had the luxury of privacy away from modern technology? When an answering machine was a luxury and you were actually not reachable, sadly those days are dead and gone.

Anyway that's enough musing for today, have a productive Monday.........

Inattention and other things.......

Tsk tsk tsk my blog has been gathering dust. Not the best state of affairs to say the least. To be honest I have realized that over time I have been falling prey to the short attention span epidemic that is so rife here, so sitting down for a while to blog seems to be a big challenge yet strangely enough I can still find time to post the occasional tweet.

To be honest I do like twitter because I can keep up with people I know who also blog or I know in person but on the other hand tweets rarely have the same substance as blog posts and like farts in a hurricane they are gone in record time. A significant tweet is pushed down the list by other tweets which may not be half as good, so unless you are fast enough or just look out for a particular person's tweets, it's easy to miss what's going on. But I guess that's why they have tweets as 160 characters just like texts, make it quick and easy so people can stick with it. I must say we are turning out to be a generation addled with ADD.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a bibliophile (take your mind out of the gutter, it has nothing to do with children!). I have loads of books I have bought from thrift stores that I am yet to read, I have not gone to one for a long time but this changed 2 weeks ago when I discovered a Goodwill store close to my local mall. I picked up 5 or so books and it cost me less than $12! So to make space on my bookshelf I decided to read a Stephen King book I bought last year and never got round to reading, I am sure some of you have read CELL by Stephen King. It was a good read, flowed really well and had a steady premise (didn't want to use my cell phone for a while after reading it though). Given all the drama that has been going on in this country lately ie Health Care Reform chaos, Kanye West at the VMAs etc, I think I'll try and keep my head glued in a book.

Anyway before I get back to my everyday existence and the challenges it brings, I read this article and realised why I get complimented time and again about my handwriting. I'm sure many of us remember the hours spent learning how to curl your loops and the appropriate crosses that were part of learning how to write in cursive. Due to the prevalance of texting and computers in schools here and the preference of the simplicity that is print, cursive is more or less extinct in American schools. Damn technology!

Time for me to go back to life as usual, don't forget to dot your Ts........

Another Day On The Grind........

It's been a minute and a half since I blogged. There is nothing major going down in my life but I do find the occasional post as cathartic to say the least.

The economy here for the most part is still in the gutter. Almost all the fast food joints now have a "dollar menu", where basically most things cost a dollar or less. This is because fewer people are buying the more expensive stuff even though fast food is cheap. Starbucks has closed a few thousand branches and is reducing the prices of some of their drinks. I recently opened a bank account with a bank since they had a special offer going on, if you opened your account and kept $100 in it for 10 days they would give you $100 also as long as you kept the account open for 6 months. I'm not going to get into the unemployment rate but on the plus side, if you have money it's a buyer's market. A few month's back my loctiticians decided they were jacking up prices and due to the multitude of locs I have on my head I was going to be paying virtually $100 for each visit, needless to say I kicked them to the curb and have found more than one person willing to do my locs for half the price.

An Acolyte post is not an Acolyte post without story time!

There was this chic I was getting to know better a few months back, so we used to go out and do stuff together. So one Sunday afternoon, we had planned to go for an early afternoon event and then get something to eat and then we would part ways. At this point in time a certain saying about the plans and mice and men should have chimed in my mind. You see I had forgotten that this chic was one of those "quality and quantity time" kind of chics. So after we left the restaurant in the early evening, she chirps; "where are we going next? I'm not ready to go home now..."

At this point in time, what I wanted to say was, I have to work tommorrow and have to get my stuff ready, so I'm going home anyway; but instead I quickly thought up of somewhere to for us to go. So I ended up getting home close to 11 pm instead of around 7 pm as earlier planned. That shouldn't have been a problem since I had nice company and all right?

Oh no, it was a problem. You see I had done some laundry and hadn't dried it since my drier was messed so I had planned to go to the laundromat after my rendezvouz. But seeing as my date had other ideas, all the laundromats were closed when I got home. So here I was with all my work clothes still wet and Monday a few hours away. Lucky for me I had a spare pair of slacks but was out of shirts, so what did I do? I took it old school, I put a shirt on a hanger, attached the hanger to the ceiling fan and left the fan running till morning. So I had a dry shirt for the next day.

Oh and differences in opinion as regards how time should be spent torpedoed that relationship eventually........

Have a productive week!

ps: As regards the pic for the post, I found it in my pictures folder. Where is some scandal on the internets when you need it?????

I beg to differ.......

I've been caught in such a mundane routine in life that I realised that I had been forgetting to blog, in fact blog worthy material at that.

Anyway the other day I was talking to some female relatives about relationships, marriage and such and the issue of married people's friends came up. The ladies were of the firm opinion that married men should not have single male friends. Their reasoning was that your priorities are different now, so you have no business spending time. Of course this got me hot under the collar because it was obvious to me that she was looking at this from a completely feminine point of view with some sprinkling of bachelor stereotypes thrown in.

You see unlike women, men don't define their friendships or themselves by their relationships with other people in their lives. Men tend to define themselves by what we do, have or know (that's why being laid off hits men really hard as our work in many cases tends to define us). Add to the fact that men bond over shared interests, so if your husband is friends with a single man there must be a certain number of interests they share ie soccer, politics, business etc. Also being a bachelor does not mean that we do not have responsibilities of our own and are even more responsible than some married men, being a single man isn't a life of endless partying and debauchery (even though I wish it was).

There is also the oft aired belief that being friends with single men will drive your boyfriend/husband to stray. I hate to burst your bubble ladies but there are married men out there who are more than willing to drive your husband to stray and cover for him while they are at it.

So ladies, we bachelor friends of your boyfriends/husbands are here to stay!

Now that I have that off my chest that reminds me of how sad it is how so many women jettison their single pals the moment they get married or hitched and forget about them, but guess who they start looking for when things get rocky in paradise? Sigh, human beings, I'll never understand us......

Acolyte GIves Another Drug PSA

It's been a while since I blogged and I know I promised ya'll Part II of the Drug PSA; so here goes......

It was a warm afternoon and I decided it was a good day to explore the city. Despite being in the States for a while, I am not a big fan of driving long distances unlike many people here who have become used to it, so when I can I do like to take the train. Since I planned on going to the opposite side of town this was the best idea. I got on the train and got off at the West side of town. The part of town I was going to was a black part of town but not really the hood. I had gone for a few events in that part of town and had heard of a good vegan restaurant in the area so I decided to pass by and get myself a snack.

I walked into the restaurant and when I looked through the menu I saw that they had chapatis (under a different name but a chapati is a chapati irregardless), so I ordered that and some veggie stew. I hadn't had chapatis in a while since I hadn't gone for a Kenyan gathering in a while and it had been a few months since I had made my own mishappen ones. Anyway the chic manning or rather womanning the counter caught my eye and after I ordered my food we chit chatted. She was or rather is afrocentric and open minded, so we did strike up a connection and she told me to make sure I passed by sometime soon.

Okay I know some of you want me to jump to the weed part so I'll do so now. Needless to say we became kinda close over the next few weeks, I was ready to make a move but discovered that she had a boyfriend but she insisted that I visit them at their house and hang out. Since I had nothing to lose I did go visit them.

So I rolled into their place that Sunday evening, her baby daddy was on the way out (did I forget to mention that she has young son?) he had come to visit the kid. It was kinda strange to say the least, the boyfriend, the baby daddy and the loose kubaff (that's me) and one lady. So he left and the son had gone to sleep so it was the three of us. Anyway we got to talking about the universe, life and it's many lessons. My new chic pal had one eccentricity of her own, she doesn't like artificial lighting so we sat in candle light. That didn't bother me since the one thing that bothers me is artificial air, I don't mind fans but I don't like air conditioning very much unless it gets sweltering; I just adjust accordingly by adding more clothes or reducing what I'm wearing. Anyway rambling aside at one point she asks me if I would be offended if she decided to "burn" some herb. I was all for it.

So a small jewellery chest was unleashed, a blunt was rolled, blessed light and shared. After a few puffs, I experienced a that spacey feeling where you feel like the air around you is a bit thicker than usual and you feel like your body is 2 seconds behind your thoughts and movements. I also started losing words, as in we would talk and I would have a thought but could not find the words in my brain to express them. The night was running down and as the haze began to lift I made my way home but due to the effects of the herb slowing down everything I drove home at the neckbreaking speed of 55 mph on an interstate where people usually hit speeds of 100 mph, I did open the windows which did help bring me back to earth. I was lucky that she made us dinner so I was spared the munchies (unlike a future incident that may be shared).

We did and have remained good friends, and I did enjoy some herb with them a few times after that. I attended her wedding and got them a great gift that they hang in their living room and tell everyone about. She gave me the sad news that she is moving out of State soon so I am taking her up on a long discussed cooking class ( I get tired of eating my same recipes on the regular) which is what reminded me that this post was long over due.

So with all that being said it's time for me to leave you. Don't do drugs! Drugs are bad for you! Drugs will hurt you and desert you, leave you crying, empty dying (name that tune good people)...........

Yet Another Monday......

It's been a minute and a half since I was in this joint, so first things first; a quick tribute video to the dearly departed King of Pop.

Moving on, its been monotonus life as usual for me so nothing really major worth blogging about has gone down.

In other news, I am now just like the Hulk; I just want to smash. Yes that line cracks me up! For real though as a Kenyan rapper once said, "ni kama drought imevisit wakulima." It's a sad state of affairs, I am now a full time passenger of the B-train (if you don't know what that means, too bad for you). But I'm looking at the plus side, the longer it goes on; it shall be like I never took the jump in the first place and my innocence shall be restored in no time! Cue angels singing and halo over my head.

This is old news but how in the hell can Michael Owen sign the dotted line for Manchester United?!! I mean that's truely selling out your roots, I have no respect for that man whatsoever! Anyway he had taken out to sending out marketing packs to various teams to sell himself so it's obvious he was going to whore himself out to the greatest bidder. I'm just hoping he breaks a leg first week of the season! He deserves it since he did jack for Newcastle and ditched them as soon as they were relegated.

I know as a single dude I should be the last one posting an exit strategy video but the series has never failed to crack me up. Back to the classic episode 1!

I know I owe ya'll a part 2 of the Weed PSA and those are on their way. I just realized maybe I need to do something about my locs, I have had 2 of my very own Kenyan brethren pass me over to the Jamaicans on sight, what happened to being able to identify your fellow Kenyan from miles away without them speaking, maybe I need to grow a forehead or fivehead?

Anyway Monday is here, the one day in the week when I have to do all that I can not to wake up in tears. Have a productive week people, and smash on my behalf....

Acolyte GIves A Drug PSA

Yes I have tried it and yes I did inhale. That is my declaration, what am I talking about? Herb/weed/ganja/shtundu or whatever you call it. Given the number of times I have smoked, I am far less than even a casual user and some of the experiences have been interesting while others, not so much.

The first time.....

The first time I was in College. I had gone on a retreat of sorts organised by an organization that brings together College students that are interested in Business/Marketing that kind of thing.

We stayed in Naivasha or Nakuru, my memory is hazy on that one (yes I know I just set myself up). What I do recall is that the facility was beautiful and was very close to nature, so it wasn't strange to see gazelles and the like on the compoud. We would have sessions related to the organiztion and goals during the day and then let loose at night.

As always when you have such trips there are people who tag along who do more night activities than day activities and so anyway we were at pool side after a long night of drinking and partying and a dude I knew pulls out a blunt and the fun began. So after playing "pass the dutchie...," the herb began to kick in so it was laughter all around. The funniest thing though is that there was a tape I had of Tupac and the outlawz playing, so I was asked who they were and all I could say at the point in time was, "ni mabeshte wa Tupac." Needless to say this elicited alot of laughter and I was reminded about it for months on end.

On the other hand I didn't partake with them the next 2 nights we were there but it seems that things got off the chain the other nights. I recall complaints about shoe prints on the ceiling of the room among other things. What was worse is that we had arrived their in the bus of CUEA (Catholic University of East Africa) so the management assumed that we were all students of CUEA and they were banned from the establishment. So to CUEA folks I say pole sana.

After this I then entered a long hiatus before the next encounter......

Next week: Substandard weed and other things

Long Time, No Post

I recently noticed that it's been a minute and a half since I posted to my blog. I call it a combination of being very busy and not being motivated to do so, yeah bad Acolyte!

With my current economic situation, can someone give me access to where Real Madrid get their money from? They have spent $282 million this month on 2 players! All I ask is just a small donation of 1% of the transfer fee spent and I shall leave quietly. Till then I think I am taking a plan to Spain to state my case.

I was reading an article in the NY times about how their are very many sexless marriages in the States.

Married men and women, on average, have sex with their spouse 58 times a year, a little more than once a week, according to data collected from the General Social Survey, which has tracked the social behaviors of Americans since 1972. But there are wide variations in that number. Married people under 30 have sex about 111 times a year. And it’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year, according to Denise A. Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, who has studied sexless marriage.

The reasons range from health issues to poor libido by one partner all the way to infidelity. What was most entertaining were the comments.

I had sex with my ex all the time until I gave up my apartment and we moved in together. After that, he just watched football all the time! When I wondered what had happened to us, he claimed that level of performance was not sustainable. I felt I had been lured in by false pretenses. - Yes this is a woman commenting, I often thought it was women who were guilty of the bait and switch when it came to sex but I guess there are some men out there who are just as guilty. I wonder if he was on some special fitness program to keep up his performance levels.

My wife never was interested in sex, or in understanding anything about it. I love her for many other reasons, but I go to prostitutes for sex. I’d go out of my mind without them. - My question is, "Why did you marry her then?!"

I was in a virtually sexless marriage for 18 years.

I agree that lack of intimacy is the main factor in declining sex. Indeed, being starved for intimacy was really what impelled me to leave the marriage. I think I would have tolerated lack of sex (say for medical reasons) had there been true, deep intimacy.

Another BIG factor so far not mentioned: most women meet/marry spouses while on birth control pills. The Pill blunts pheromone detection, which underlies “chemical” attraction. A few years into a marriage you go off the pill and discover you actually aren’t a chemical match. - I wonder how accurate it is about the Pill and women's attraction or lack there of? Any ideas anyone?

People have gotten very fat. Why isn’t this discussed. That might be an important reason for the sexless marriage. - Talk about being blunt! All those accounts have given me great pause when it comes to marriage. Sex isn't everything but if you are in a marriage and the sex sucks or is absent, let's just say in my case; there would be issues and that's putting it mildly.

Anyway last week I went to see Femi Kuti perform. I narrowly missed his Kenyan performance a few years back at Safari 7s so this more than made up for it. I'm pressed for time, so I shall post a few pics next time I post.......

Yet Another Friday..........

I love Youtube due to the jewels you can find on it. Like this video below actually reminds me how much I disliked some or rather most of the songs in the medley.




I love watching roasts and I know where I'll be on Monday night, watching the roast of John Witherspoon! Some clips were released on the net that just peaked my interest.



This is also another hilarious video I came across, the whole series cracked me up.



As you can see, this dude right here has been watching lots of youtube. Yes most of it is done during working hours punctuated by 1.5 hr lunches; why? Let's just say that with stuff has been going down at work that would write several Dilbert comic books, it's gotten to the level where I'm just treading the water till I get to shore

Oh one more video!



Who wants to bet cash that if he had done this in Kenya, he wouldn't have made it to the police station? He would have been shot while "escaping".

This long weekend I plan on going to see Terminator and Wolverine. Yes once in a while I actually eschew getting stuff online for free and splash the cash. I think after the weekend rolls by I'll have my blogging mojo back. Nice weekend people!

Another Fun Week Is Over.....

Sigh, it seems alot has been passing me by in the real world and blogland; I need to slow down and blog a little more about what's happening or not happening in my life. Anyway moving on....

I was on one of the many entertainment sites and came across the video below. Congratulations to our Tanzanian brothers on churning out the first African playboy Playmate!





I know as Kenyans we love English football but at times some people take things too far. I mean to hang yourself because your team loses a game?! I do get the impression that he may have had other issues going on, and that's what pushed him off the edge.

In the same vein, this video here is dedicated to Chelsea fan numero uno, Archer!


Moving on, this is a PSA to the Indian Restaurant that is at my local strip mall. You and your staff are really nice people from the 2 times that I have been to your restaurant, in fact that is why I have been their twice because you don't warrant more that 1 visit. The reason you are not making good money is not only because of the state of the economy, but also because the food you cook leaves alot to be desired. The last time I was there the food was bland as hell and it seems the chef even went out of his way to burn the naan (bread). I went online to read reviews and it seems that I am not the only one who thinks the same. So please shape up or you won't be in business much longer....

While I'm putting people on blast, I might as well add the CEO of my job to the list. In many ways the CEO of where I work would make a very good African President. Why? Let me tell you;

1. Like many African Presidents she started out with a vision of sorts but somewhere down the line she lost it.

2. Like many African Presidents, she has stayed past her sell by date.

3.Like many African Presidents she appoints people for their skills but dismisses their advice more often than not.

4. Like many African Presidents she seems blissfully delusional of her regime falling apart around her.

It's hilarious to say the least because the atmosphere at my job reminds me alot of what I experienced working with another organisation I blogged about. A workmate came to work yesterday and then 2 hours into the day she was like "screw this!" and went home under the pretext of sickness. I have around 3 weeks of sicktime piled up, so I may use some soon; oh and people spend half the time at work looking for other jobs. Leadership isn't easy I admit and when it begins to go wrong, oh the horror!

Anyway, time to catch up on what I've been missing; TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another Day Goes By.......

Gay Nairobi Man was kind enough to nominate me for the Honest Scraps Award, the award is defined as; “This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.”'

First and foremost, I have to say a very big Thanks! I didn't know someone out there actually cared, sniff sniff. So onto the 10 honest things about me.

1. Acolyte is a rolling stone - Material things don't mean that much to me and despite having my own place for over a year, I have collected as little stuff as possible. I moved recently and I did it all on my own in 2-3 days, what took a long time actually was the cleaning and the little stuff. I guess there is a part of me that thinks I may still be on the move sooner rather than later, so I act accordingly; that and the fact that I don't like shopping that much.

2. American Sports - Most of the sports people here hold near and dear do not appeal to me. I think it's the fact that most of them do not flow but run in quarters with numerous time outs ie NFL, NBA. I do try to keep up with what is happening once in a while just for the sake of social interaction when it gets necessary. Funny thing is that I am a big fan of MMA esp the UFC which is now going mainstream. 

3. I have nice skin - Every chic I have dated and chics who I haven't dated (thanks for the compliment gal from the other day) don't hesitate to tell me how great my skin is. I can't give all the Thanks to the great genes I inherited, I must also espouse the virtues of good diet and the use of appropriate skin products. Proceeds to caress himself like the lady in the Lady Gay commercial.

4. I'm an Advocate of holistic health - I'm a stern believer in prevention before cure and the fact that if you take care of your body, it will take care of you. With that in mind, I try to be as aware as possible when it comes to diet esp out here in the West where the food is doctored and tampered with in ways you cannot believe (that is a post on it's own). With that in mind, I do not have any milk, meat or fish in my fridge. I'm more fruits, nuts and vegetables, I buy 95% of my stuff from farmer's markets and I'm also a member of a co-op. But I'll be honest once in a while I do have a cheat day ie if I'm invited out to eat; I may have something with chicken in it, so no judgement from me.

5. Appendages (jacked from GNM's terminology) - I'm a connoseiur of the work of art that is the female breast. Without getting explicit, all I can say is that the women who really appeal to me are usually endowed with a certain shape and size. But I'm a gentleman, I do not ogle; I have learnt the fine use of peripheral vision.

6. Hypnotic voices - There are certain female artistes whose voices draw me like a moth to a flame. I can listen to their music for hours on end ie Sade, Sarah Mchlachlan, Dido, Annie Lennox, Amiel Larrieux etc.

7. Afternoon Naps - I have a love affair with sleep which you may all know by now but what I love most is afternoon naps. I always try and get even a 15 min power nap when possible. To get on my wrong side just disparage naps. I guess my dream job would be to take naps and get paid for it.

8. Children - For the life of me I don't like children. I just do not have the paternal gene that other men have. I don't intend to ever have children to be honest, even though that admission in the past has never stopped some women I've dated from saying how I would make a good dad, blech. I think that is one reason (STDs aside) that I don't have unprotected sex.

9. Subconsciously Different - Even without knowing why, half of the time I find that I fight with common convention and ideas. I don't like other people thinking for me and planning out my life. That is why I think I end up shirking the expectations that society has for me in terms of what I should do, what I should buy, how I should date etc. I was always the kid who was asking "Why" when I was told to do something. I still try and find out what lies beneath the surface whenever something new comes my way.

10. Short Attention Span - I think blogging is the thing that I have committed to for the longest time. I have a short attention span and I do think that when I buckle down is when I achieve more. The avalanche of stimuli out here ie endless tv channels, internet, cell phone media etc doesn't help my quest for focus too. But no I do not have AHDD nor do I need to be medicated.

Well that's my 10 points, hope you learned something new. I would like to Award the Honest Scraps Award to the one and only Archer!!!!!!!

Another Wonderful Week Almost Gone....

Ironic that when mungiki have been causing all sorts of chaos, and in true nerd fashion I was getting my fill of the month's comics when I came across a few pages I wanted to share (click on images to get them in full size)



























Kind of weird and interesting to say the least.



I wish CFAs (Convenient F*cking Arrangement) were that easy to come come across. Like I have said before, dating is alot of work; too much work. Hence my retirement from the whole process. I'll just watch things unfold from the sideline. That reminds me. the person who said that communication is key when it comes to relationships needs to be kicked in the teeth. People will hear what they want to hear no matter how many different ways and how many times you say it. Anyway since I'm now watching the game from the Director's box, it's all good.

Other than that I've been riding out the recession here to the best of my ability, because sadly the good times are gone and it shall be quite sometime till things turn around. Of course in times like this is when companies decide to try and do what they can to maximize their revenue, credit card companies are jacking up interest rates on those who can and do pay their bills (urgh). While other companies charge you for anything extra they give you other than the service you paid for, for example with my gas company the only way you can pay your bill without a fee is to do it the old fashioned way ie snail mail; so rest assured I have a whole pile of stamps for that. But on the flipside, there are loads and loads of sales going on at the malls for those who have money to burn. But you know we Kenyans are survivors, should things get tight; I'll be the dude with the parafin lamp and stove in his apartment.....

ps: my other part time joint http://twitter.com/lordacolyte

Yet Another Monday

It seems the last post I did had many people thinking I'm Mr Negative, so I'll start the week positively by sharing about the things I love and like.

I love dogs esp golden retrievers

I love taking naps

I love reading comic books

I love watching The Soup

I love watching Family Guy

I love Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

I love mangoes

I love the sight of cleavage

I love the 2 old dudes who heckle in the muppet show

I love the part of town I live in

I love reading the New York Times, Newsweek and Time

I love the sound of silence when I come home from work

I love stimulating conversation

I like being around free spirits

I love the sound of music (not the play just all good music)

I love the internet

I love last but not least all my blog fans and online pals!

Have a happy Monday and keep your head up!

Yet Another Tuesday.......

I hate how people you communicate with on the internet are nowhere near as interesting in real life.

I hate my job.

I hate the people I work for

I hate the state of the economy.

I hate dealing with stupid entitled individuals at work.

I hate people who think a few extra letters at the end of their name makes them think they are better than everyone else.

I hate people who hear but don't understand.

I hate people who just can't shut the f*ck up!

I hate people who can't see the bigger picture.

I hate having to pay bills, they just don't stop!

I hate that the print media is slowly dying.

I hate needy people.

I hate having to pay so much for fresh fruits and vegetables.

I hate that nobody is owning up to playing a major role in the recession.

I hate that color aside leaders everywhere look out for themselves and not the little people.

I hate the fact that I'm so apathetic nowadays..................

That feels so much better

Regular programming shall resume shortly

Just Another Tuesday.......

Yes blogger's block continues to bite, even though; I shall make an attempt to half ass it through this post.....

There are some words that men loathe to hear, the worst combination being; " were is this thing going?" This is of course in reference to the situation you have going with a lady and not the sci-fi themed roller coaster ride you thought you would take her on that she really isn't enjoying. You see I can't speak for all men but there is this wise saying; "men get with women thinking they shall never change, women get with men thinking they shall change."

You see most men love a certain status quo. If we get to have sex with you on Saturday nights after the club and also get some midweek head and all we have to do is call you once in a while and take you out for a meal and to the club; we are good with that. We are in no rush to spoil a good thing, of course you may get with the adventerous dude who may decide on asking if a friend could join in (male or female). But for the most part it's all good. On the other hand though, many women see this is a start and of course want to build towards more. When of course she sees the dude isn't going in this same direction is when problems start.

After lots of pondering, thinking, contemplating on her part; that is when you get the call. "We need to talk," when a woman tell you that, know one thing; you are not going to be the one talking. Best case scenario learn to put on an expression that makes it look like you are listening; also if you are smart make sure your tv is in the periphery and set it to subtitles. You can look pensive and catch up with news at the same time because it's going to be a long long talk.

What I have learnt is that men in general tend to compartmentalize. Out of sight out of mind for the most part, when the girl is away; most men don't sit around pondering the relationship for hours on end unless there is immense drama and anguish involve. Women on the other hand irregardless of the status tend to analyse, discuss and think about what is going on. So it is much to a man's shock when he is asked to "talk" and given a full status report of the relationship when he thought all that was going on was a bit of fun.

Of course some relationship guru will say, "that's why you need to communicate!" That when I counter and tell them, "understanding is internal and individual." Meaning people will hear what they want to hear.

Anyway I've realized I'm rambing for no good reason, I shall let you all figure out your relationships for yourselves; that's my own satirical take on matters. I have to get back to living out Dilbert's adventures in real life.

Oh by the way to Man U fans, sorry about the torrid weekend.......

African Male Domination Dramatized Or Whatever You Want To Call It........

I could not find a picture dramatizing my post so the one of the man seated above shall have to do

I am sure many of my female readers who have ever lived in an African country can relate to the following scenario. You get onto a bus or other means of public transport and take a seat. A man comes in a few minutes later and proceeds to sit next to you. He then proceeds to open his legs as wide as possible and crush you into the corner of the seat seemingly oblivious to his actions.

I have referred to it as an African or rather third world issue since proximity is different in the West. People in the West operate like they have small force fields around them repelling each other so as not to get too close to each other. You don't have that luxury in the third world countries so people end up being in close contact more often than not.

Anyway back to the matter at hand. The funny thing is that most men don't even realize that they are doing it until of course the lady seated next to them complains bitterly about it. Sociologists do say that seating with your legs spread eagle when it comes to business is a show of power (feel free to dispute this). That and the fact that we all know how many African and other third world men feel like they are the dog's pyjamas wouldn't preclude them from sitting in such a way. In my defence, I sit like that due to the fact that I have balls of brass. Even so it's always interesting to see how body language and expression changes from place to place according to gender roles and perception. I'll think of that the next time I'm trying to keep my legs closed so as not to smoosh a lady against the the bus window. As for the rest of the men out there, I shall leave it to your ladies to school them since social issues are hardly my forte.

In other news the recession is continuing to bite. I am trying to find a way to blog about it but words fail me for the most part since it's like someone telling you write about a tornado, you know what it is you are looking at but describing it is the hard part. This is a small snippet of the panorama, there is this lady who weathered out the Great Depression in the 30's, she has videos on-line of the frugal meals they made from basic ingredients that got them through. The videos are a hit and her website is down due to too much traffic. But as the Good Book says, "It came to pass," so I am not fretting.


Ps: Useless Acolyte trivia #2301 - Acolyte loves coming home to a silence. He finds it very calming and relaxing....

Alone Or Lonely?

It sucks when you have thoughts running through your mind but when it comes to putting them down on paper, your fingers fail you. That's what I have been going through for the longest time.

Anyway I have been looking at many relationships that I have come across here and it got me to thinking. Have we slowly become a society of people who can't handle being alone? Please note there is a difference between alone and lonely as I use them.

Boy has life and everyday activities, Girl has life and everyday activities. Boy meets Girl, they like each other, begin spending as much time as possible together even to the expense of some of the activities they used to do individually, when not together they are in constant communication (not hard in the cellphone,facebook age). Girl and Boy split up, vacuum caused by absence of significant other proves too much to take, each jumps into the next relationship as soon as possible.

I know that's a simplistic view but believe me I have seen it and experienced it. I have seen people drop everything and have their lives revolve around a relationship. Makes me wonder if any of the interests and friendships they had before this were of any meaning or just a means of passing time before the next relationship came up.

I am all for spending time with your significant other but when it seems that you are reattached siamese twins, that doesn't work for me. I'm a simple man, there are thing that I like to do and I also like my space. This is not to say that I wouldn't tell whoever I was dating what I'm doing and where I am going. But 24-7 togetherness, no way no how. I'm a fan of my life, your life and our life. I like it when you can grow apart (in a good way) and also miss each other. Once in a while be alone without being lonely. Let's just say the more my private time was encroached on in the past by exes, the faster they became exes.

Anyway I guess that's why I would get a big FAIL when it comes to marriage according to common convention. I guess I'm beginning on rambling. All I can say that being alone and lonely are two different things. Being alone is not a bad thing.....

In other news, I am now on twitter; do share your pages in the comments and I shall follow you and you can follow me. Yes I finally yielded to the trend.

Other than that I'm just here slowly watching the economy die a slow death. It's apparent in the smallest things. I'm planning a post on this. My most recent observation, the staff at my local store has changed from teens to middle aged. No they did not age, it's just that the jobs that were once done by teens on a part time basis have now been taken over on a full time basis by older folk.

Have a lay off free weekend!

Ps: Useless Acolyte trivia #2418 - Acolyte loves pillows and sleeps with 4 in his bed.....

Tagged.....

Mr Man Bag himself tagged me. So here goes

FOUR THINGS I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT

1. My Health - I'm not a gym buff or a health nut but I do like to take care of myself. So I don't eat junk food, go to the gym 4-5 times a week, drink alcohol once a week or less, don't use sugar, don't cook/eat red meat at home, take vitamin supplements, avoid canned foods, love fresh fruit and try to sleep at least 7 hours daily. But other than that I'm just like the rest of you.

2. Sci-fi/fantasy - I'm a certified nerd, my life just doesn't feel complete if I'm not indulging in any of the two at any given time.

3. News/Information - I love to know what's happening in the world and I love to learn. So it's nothing weird for me to read like 5 plus new sites every morning.

4. Black/African Empowerment - I think that there is so much better and further we can do as a people. So I feel strongly about issues that affect us directly.

FOUR WORDS OR PHRASES THAT I USE A LOT

1. Kumeharibika

2. Hmph - This is not a word per se but I use it when I chat online quite a bit.

3. Conyo - This is a spanish swear word

4. Kubaff - This one never grows old

FOUR THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. Go sky diving - The experience of just being so far up in the sky is life changing to say the least.

2. To Choke Someone Out like in the vid below



Yes I'm a psycho, so sue me!

3. To take a year off everyday life and just travel the exotic parts of the world - The hum drum of everyday life terrifies me, and I would like to get out and about before I am boxed in with a marriage, mortgage and kids (shivers).

4. To do something that would earn me short term fame - Yes I'd like to enjoy the good life that comes with being famous and recognized just for a short time and then go back to being everyday me before it gets boring or goes to my head.


FOUR THINGS THAT I’VE LEARNT FROM THE PAST

1. Hurting People Hurt People - The more baggage and hurt someone is carrying from the past, the more likely the are to bring drama to your life. Call me harsh but I give such people a wide berth esp when it comes to relationships.

2. Common Sense Is Not Common - I look at the things that people do all the time, and this becomes clearer and clearer everyday.

3. If A Woman Asks You If She Is Hot Just Say Yes - Do not give an honest answer or attempt to rationalize the answer. Say Yes and smile, it shall save you alot of trouble.

4. Sex Just Isn't Worth The Trouble It Brings - Through my general observations and personal experiences, sex just brings too much drama to the table. Whether you are in a relationship or not, it just brings too many issues, abstinence is just so much more appealing.

There, I'm done!


I also came across this interesting meme that I decided to fill in. One word answers only!

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk

2. Your significant other? None

3. Your hair? long

4. Your mother? busy

5. Your father? deceased

6. Your favorite? fruit

7. Your dream last night? forgot

8. Your favorite drink? juice

9. Your dream/goal? Peace

10. What room you are in? Office

11. Your hobby? Internet

12. Your fear? Failure

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? successful

14. Where were you last night? Home

15. Something that you are not? Patient

16. Muffins? Nah

17. Wish list item? Money

18. Where you grew up? Nairobi

19. Last thing you did? Eat

20. What are you wearing? Skechers

21. Your TV? Dusty

22. Your pets? Imaginery

23. Friends? Few

24. Your life? Complicated

25. Your mood? Mellow

26. Missing someone? Nah

27. Car? Dirty

28. Something you're not wearing? Vest

29. Your favorite store? Publix

30. Your favorite color? black

33. When is the last time you laughed? Morning

34. Last time you cried? Eons

35. Who will resend this? Hmmmmmm

36. One place that I go to over and over? Bathroom

37. One person who texts me regularly? Pal

38. My favorite place to eat? Couch

39. My favorite food? Cantonese


I'm sharing them both with Gish, Sunnykay and Bomseh. Regular blogging shall resume soon!

Another Fun Week Come To An End.........

Anyone who knows me is well aware that I do not tolerate chic flicks. So I am not going to watch "He's Not That Into You" but even so, the viral video that was made for it was somewhat hilarious

Okay as I move on, let me issue this disclaimer: We are all beautiful! Now that I have that off my chest. I find it funny how the world both loves and hates beautiful people. Many beautiful people always complain about how they cannot find real friends or how everyone dislikes them. Beauty can be a great asset but can also be a great weakness. It can be argued where nature doesn't give you brains, it gives you beauty; but that's a whole other discussion.
So how can beauty be a weakness? Well beauty can get someone almost everything and everywhere. But that there is where the weakness lies, without even knowing it, this asset slowly but surely erodes someones' character. This is not to say that there are no beautiful people with character but why do people act in shock whenever they meet a beautiful person who has great character? One compliment given to beautiful women behind their backs is that they have an ugly girl's personality, this of course means that they are accommodative, outgoing and interesting (of course we all know some bitter, recluse and selfish ugly people but that's another post). One thing I have noticed is that beautiful people are rarely ever challenged intellectually by other people, I have been in a setting where this hot girl once said something that was so ludicrous that it would have most people rolling on the ground in laughter but instead the dudes listening to her were listening to her and nodding their heads like they were in the company of Socrates. This is of course how we end up with blondes and meatheads. It's similar to how beautiful people are often rubbish in bed, this is because they will always have people wanting to sleep with them just so they can claim to have done it.
On a serious note, I do have a close friend whose sister is having a nervous breakdown, why? The sister has very good looks and has used them to get what she wants in life. But she is getting older now and her looks are fading, so she is having a mid life crisis of sorts. Her looks define her and now as they are leaving, she doesn't know who she is.
This is not to say that there are not beautiful people out there who have character, indeed there are; they may not be a majority but they exist. Evolution and character development is interesting like that. Also why is it that the chic who is always loudly proclaiming that you can have both brains and looks doesn't have much of both? (cue women hating accusations here)

I have a problem I need help with, I have Tabiosis. This is a disorder characterized by the use of myriad tabs while using any given internet browser, the user may also resort to using multiple browsers on one machine to indulge the urge to view as many websites on the internet as possible. This progresses to not turning off their computer so as to leave tabs open for later viewing. Should anyone of any treatment available I would be most appreciative.

Before you do something questionable, please visit this page.

Anyway I'm off for the weekend. I'll be crying while laughing as I watch tv and some movies this weekend (see video above for reference). Adios!

Getting None, A New Day and Other Things....

After the first few nights of cold sweats, the shakes, handcuffing my right hand to the bed post and deleting my ex's number I knew it would survive. What am I talking about? Not getting any, a dry stretch, lack of carnal pleasure or whatever you call abstinence. You see I have had a dry stretch that has gone back for a while but to make things more interesting I decided to be voluntarily chaste this year. No outlet of any shape, way or form.

One thing that I came to realize is that we live in a very sexualized society, half of the products you see advertised on tv use sex appeal as a hook. Don't let me get started on music videos and half of the sitcoms/dramas. Then you have to look at how people dress and what is taken to be the norm in male-female relationships, so of course living in such a society someone not trying to get any esp if they're not religious comes of as an anomaly.

I must admit that no longer being on horseback takes some getting used to but it's not a bad thing. No I do not have a larger porn collection (I do find porn hilarious though) nor do I have a stronger right arm but I have been spending more time at the gym. So I do think people who equate not getting laid with some sort of death have it twisted. Irony would be of course me getting involved in an orgy 24 hours after writing this post.

I'm sure most of you and the rest of the world were watching the Inauguration. I have work mates who even went to Washington to be part of the action. I have my opinion on the over hyping of Obama and how reality is going to be a harsh teacher in the months to come, but that's a post for another day. It's still a historical moment that we need to remember whichever way we can for now.

Anyway Friday is here so it's time for my mini celebration dance and then get my ass back to the grind. Nice Weekend people!

Time Off, Hot Cars and Break Ups

Today The Acolyte calls in sick instead of going to work. I have never called in from work just for the sake of (or at least with this job), so this is a new experience for me; playing hooky!

I was telling a friend about the cold nights we occasionally have and she suggested that instead of me bothering with a space heater or raising my gas bill, that I should buy an electric blanket. I told her that it seemed like a good idea and that I would most def look into it, but in the back of my head the first thought I had was of being electrocuted in my sleep because I broke a sweat or something. Yes I know the odds of that happening are slim to none, but a man is entitled to his paranoia.

Speaking of heat, time for a funny Acolyte story. You see the weather here can be erratic at times depending on the season, it'll be freezing in the morning then it'll get pretty toasty in the afternoon. So that was the situation one day when I was driving to work so I turned up the heat to make sure I didn't get to work with frost bite or something. So as the day went on it got rather warmer, evening came and I got in my car to drive home and felt the interior had become rather warm so I turned on the air conditioning to cool it down. As I was on the road I had the distinct feeling my car was getting hotter inside, to the point I broke a sweat. I then looked at the dash and realized one thing.........I hadn't adjusted the temperature of the air con so I had turned my car into a moving sauna!

A good friend sent me this video by Gnarls Barkley and I have to say it made my day.

Who's Gonna Save My Soul


What I loved most was the break up line and the soon to be ex-boyfriend's response. Nothing cracks me up as much as break up lines. The ironic thing is that some of them are actually genuine but still reek like a bag of 4 day old fish. Case in point see below:

"Yes, I thought we were getting to the point in our relationship where I might start to fall in love with you but your insecurities about how I feel about you have made it clear that I can never fall in love with you."

"I don't want the responsibility of someone else's happiness."

"You're great, but I have so much baggage, and right now I have more bad days than good days...it wouldn't be fair to subject you to that."

Since I'm wonderfully dysfunctional I don't even use break lines. I just go into hiding after acting the fool and await some dude with no morals (usually a friend) to pounce on the vulnerable chic. I then re-emerge to play the shattered cuckolded lover and proceed to dump her there and then. Needless to say some of them have not taken this lightly hence me moving apartments every few months to avoid them. I think I've said enough, don't want to spill my whole M.O. Oh well time to get ready for a nice day of sloth!